Why I hung up my heels as an independent and embrace the brothel

Let me preface this up front by saying all feelings, opinions, and views are about me and my life only — I do not judge any other provider for what they do or do not offer or how they feel about services or specific types of clients. These views are my own, for me, about my job, about my life. Not you or yours. You do what is right for you, and you own it.

The title pretty much sums up the content of the post, but I am asked almost daily — and usually not in the most positive way — why or “how” I could “give up” being “my own boss” and “independent” for the “terrible environment” of a brothel. There is almost always judgement and a completely negative attitude. I’ve had people laugh at the decision and outright mock it.

First off, if that’s you then you can fuck right off. It’s incredibly ironic to support me for being a sex worker as long as I’m doing it in a way you prefer vs what makes me happy. Second, I’m more my own boss than ever. I also have twice as much time, which has allowed me to finish several personal projects that were only crawling along. I have time to relax and pursue my interests instead of just working around the clock.

But let’s get to what this is really about. Why. Why did I go from a successful nationwide independent escorting business to building my brand inside of these walls?

Safety should not be a privilege at work

  • I have been set up by another provider (in good standing) giving a good “reference” for a client (who screend fine) and was robbed at knife point in 2010.
  • I have been assaulted by someone who showed up on drugs.
  • A P411 client with 26 okays attempted to rape me.

I am at fucking WORK. In what world should anyone at a JOB have to deal with any of the above? I walked out of my house each day knowing that directly because of my job I may die that day. While this is not the only job you can die doing, it’s the only one I know of (besides police/firefighter/soldier) where the most common cause of death on the job is murder and instead of respect/recognition for that, there’s a plethora of “dead hooker jokes” which people don’t realise is actually hate speech (and roll their eyes at the concept when you present it).

Here, I can scream and multiple people will come running. I can press a panic button and security is there in an instant. I am much more confident I will walk out of my job alive at the end of each day here.

And speaking of safety…

You may offer safer services, without charging less, having to explain yourself, facing negative reviews, or clients who act like babies about it.

On “the outside”, as it’s called here, “safe GFE” (which is a bullshit term — your girlfriend should be just as safe with you as a provider for at least the first year of a relationship) is usually sold at a lower rate, or considered less desirable. You can do it and still make a decent living, but there’s no question you will make more offering dangerous services like BBBJ and uncovered DATY. To a lesser extent, kissing — as many people love to choke you with their tongue or drool all over you, a flashback to your high school days I’m sure. Appropriate kissing can be lovely and nice, but I do not want to feel like we are at the prom. It’s not passionate, it’s saliva.

I’ll be 100% honest. I offered these services for most of my independent career, and they grossed me the fuck out. At least 50% of the reason I came to the brothel was to be able to protect my health and safety without neutering my income and earning a slew of bad reviews in the process. We are legally required to be safe, this is known up front, and it leads to a hell of a lot less complaining and insensitivity (god forbid you care about the risk of throat cancer from BBBJ, let alone gonorrhea) from your clientele. It’s like they actually respect you as a human being or something. And man, they still get off. Even with the condom! Imagine that 🙄

“Screening” does not ensure you will get someone STD free or safe. It only ensures you’ll probably get someone who won’t murder you. Many STDs exist in us silently. Women can carry gonorrhea in their throats, pass it along, and never know they have it until a guy tells them. Chlamydia is also one that goes undetected. To put it simply: To me, for ME, that’s fucking disgusting. Let’s be real. We are meeting with actual strangers. Strangers with potentially questionable habits, and who aren’t just with you. In what world do we really believe it’s safe to exchange genital fluids? We pretend it’s safe. It’s not — it’s an acceptable level of risk, but it’s not as safe as we tout it. So we tell ourselves it’s a low risk and so no big deal. But it is a big deal. Herpes is forever, and can be spread when there’s no outbreak. That’s a career ender. But do the clients care? No. You’re faceless and meaningless to most of them outside of the time they contract you for — which would be fine if they weren’t putting your career at risk with their “preferences”. I had a client get rough with me and tear my asshole. Did he give a damn about the lost income or the $800 in steroid medication I needed? No. Did he offer to help pay for it? Yes. Then he disappeared. I can’t even imagine if I had gotten an STD that ended my entire career instead of causing me to take a few weeks off.

Legality should not be a privilege at work

We all know there is nothing wrong with escorting, porn, prostitution, or any of it. However, our gorgeous legal system does not agree in 49 of our 50 states and our clientele stays silent when it comes time to talk about rights/decrim/legalisation for what they think is their own discretion. Apparently being pro-sex worker means you use one or people will find out you will? While that’s not true, their paranoia and silence damns us in many ways.

I think that while clients are aware of the fact the legality is an issue — since they also have to protect themselves from arrest — they really don’t appreciate what it means for our lives. Their legal concerns are significantly less, after all. They only have legal concerns on the days they have appointments whereas an escort has them every day of her life.

We live a life where it is difficult for many to declare all of their money with a plausible explanation. This is a job where you can go from 0-100 pretty quick. But let’s pretend you make 125,000 your first year when the year before you worked at a grocery store and made 25,000. Do you think you can immediately claim all of your taxes as a brand new small business and not at least have some eyes on you? Probably not. So you gradually scale it up over 2-3 years. So for 2-3 years you’re lying to the IRS, an agency no one wants to ever have to face.

In addition to that, if you want to buy a house or make any large ticket purchases that first year or two? Much more difficult. If you buy a new car outright in cash or put the down payment for a house down in cash, it’s suspicious.

Worse still is that many women who want to take credit cards are pushed into having to take them through “dummy companies” due to the insanely high processing fees from “adult” credit card processors. Heads up guys, having a Breaking Bad style “car wash” to run your earnings through is money laundering. If you have a “consulting” business, it’s still grey area and good luck if you get caught. Have a good lawyer on call, at all times, once you break six figures in this industry. Because whether it’s being arrested for a ‘misunderstanding’ at work or a ‘misunderstanding’ over a tax/money issue, you could very well need one.

Does this happen to the majority of providers? No. Do you have to live your life like it’s going to be you because it literally could be? Yes. They love to make examples out of us. It’s worth noting that solicitation is typically a misdemeanor but tax evasion is a federal felony, not to mention additional charges for money laundering.

Again I ask, in what world should I have to go to a completely legitimate job and fear arrest and prosecution? Unlike drug dealing, or any other “black market” profession, this one has the potential to hurt no one — provided the provider is voluntarily providing, of course. But as we all know, sex work and sex trafficking are not even remotely close to the same thing, and there is no such thing as “child prostitution” only sex trafficking. Prostitution is a voluntary activity, otherwise it’s trafficking. So it is completely fair to say that prostitution is a victimless crime until you involve the black market and invite in pimps and violence (in the form of men who prey on you because they know you cannot go to the police). It is almost impossible for an escort in the US to ever be completely legitimate and not at risk of arrest and prosecution. It can be extremely difficult to live a completely legitimate life as an escort.

The house cut really isn’t that bad when you add it all up

This was honestly a big factor for me in choosing to do this. I was touring full time when I retired. When I say full time, I mean I was not home at all between April and November. Each month I spent $800 on my mortgage for a house I wasn’t living in, $1100 for an incall while waiting for the lease to run out (was more expensive to buy out the lease), $2000 on an assistant, $1500-$3000 on ads (eros, slixa, p411, tob), $3000-$5000 on hotels, $1000-1500/month on food (I eat healthily and was unable to buy in any kind of actual quantity, you get literally bent over buying single serve), not to mention flight tickets or gas to drive to these cities which was a varying range based on where I went. We haven’t even factored in clothes, lingerie, condoms, lube, makeup (which I only wear for work), a wireless hotspot, or getting tested biweekly. This was easily another $500-1000/month between everything. It could easily break $10,000 to do business touring full time, depending on what cities I hit. Hitting places like LA, SF, NY, Chicago, Seattle, and DC in the same month could even drive the hotel cost well above my estimate — and I spent an entire month in New York last year.

Any way you slice it, that’s a lot of overhead. Even without the useless incall. Even assuming this was only 30% of my income. I would just personally much rather pay 50% to one establishment that helps me further my career than a bunch of websites to whom I am just another anonymous customer and get nothing for it. Worse yet, in the case of hotels I have to go out of my way to be discreet/go unnoticed all while I am paying 90-250 dollars a night for the privilege.

In addition to that, I had to plan out (or pay for someone to plan out) my tour schedule, and book all of my flights and hotels while getting the best deals for the best properties possible. I had to write and set up ads with EROS, Slixa, P411, TER, ECCIE, Avenue-X, BestGFE, TOB, BP and TRB (when they were around). Many of those ads required weekly reposting or bumping. Also the TER Daily Photo thread was a must in addition to my social media accounts. This was a pretty big time investment, and by the end I was paying my assistant more money to post them for me. I also had to invest time in sourcing healthy meals in each city, clinics to be tested in, and places to re-stock on supplies.

Let’s compare that to the brothel: I show up, I pay under $50/day for rent (plus there are several incentives to earn free days of rent), they do my advertising which I supplement with my social media practices, and the clients come to me. The doctor is on site, we have a staff of cooks as well as fridges and freezers for personal food, I cook and bring vacuum sealed meals is still less than what I was spending eating out twice a day in different cities. My round trip flight is around $100. Also, the rate is…significantly higher. I can’t say the specific rate due to state law, but our adventures start in the four figure range and to put it mildly, the idea of a 500 dollar hour is laughable — even after the house cut.

I have always joked that my job comes with 8 free weeks of vacation – December and January. Until now. The month of January made more money with less overhead in 3 weeks (total) than I normally do in the entire 8 weeks. I am making equally good money this month. Which brings me to the next point…

The money is the same or better for less time invested and will only grow as I build my brand here

The least amount of money I’ve taken home is equal to what I typically make in a week of escorting after expenses. And that was with not being on the website, not being on the bar crawl (a screen that rotates through all available ladies), and being brand new with no clients here, no appointments, no brand, and almost no one knowing my name. It will only pick up as I build a brand, and as more people see me on the website. It was also with about 1/3 of the time invested, max. There is no more “admin work” as mentioned above, and the email volume has gone down by 3/4. Twitter is my only obligation that requires a chunk of time, and I can do that while I’m at work waiting on foot traffic. The time invested with clients can also be significantly less, in part because of the rate being higher.

The amount of time I have saved in admin work has allowed me to finish almost every personal project in my real life and focus on school. And I personally love the idea of the lockdown house. I have a parlour, a bar, a kitchen I can prepare food in, my own room, and rooms of my friends versus being sequestered to my hotel room only quietly slipping out to pick up food, though usually I just used UberEats and got delivery because my day started at 8am and ended at 10-11pm. I feel less imprisoned here than I ever did touring.

I like the negotiation system over a flat rate for my time. Negotiating is better than a flat rate because not everyone is there for the same thing.

Why should someone who wants GFE for an hour be charged the same as someone who just wants a blowjob? They are not the same service, the same emotional or time investment. In escorting, you charge a flat hourly and for some people you are way overcharging them for what they want/get and others you wish you could charge more. In a brothel you are actually charging for what happens on an individual level.

I had a regular of mine say the negotiation part would ruin it for him. It’s clear he’s never been present for a negotiation — especially my negotiations — which are not “businesslike” at all. They’re to the point, and clear, but also sexual and playful. I have a decorative menu complete with naughty photos and several pleasure packages. Second, to me that’s almost saddening that the idea of a custom price is considered “too businesslike”. I think this cloak and dagger shit of “I’m not paying for a service, I want to pretend there’s no monetary exchange” is ridiculous. It can lead to clients feeling they’re your actual friends and feeling entitled to huge chunks of your time for nothing. It also invalidates your job as an actual job, and again leads to the idea of them seeing you as a “friend” rather than someone they have a friendly but still professional relationship with. This is not to say you cannot be close to your clientele on a personal level, or even intimate with them — I fully believe you should be, and that’s the nature of the job…but there’s a very fine line. Them thinking they can spend hours of your (free) time DMing, or engaging with you for free crosses that line.

To me, being able to customise the price and session actually makes it MORE personal and less businesslike because we are designing a session and price tailored to your unique needs, rather than a generic number that is only charged because it’s considered “fair market value” for the exchange of time.

You still command a good hourly with experience rather than less for being “old”

In escorting, as a woman’s age goes up her rate typically goes down. While there are some notable exceptions, they are exactly that — exceptions. That doesn’t have to be the case in the brothel. The rate can stay the same as you age, and women in their 40s and 50s can do quite well without having to offer more/riskier services, or lowering their hourly below what makes them comfortable. This is also true for BBWs, and women of colour. No matter what your size, shape, or colour is you have the potential to make exceptional money with steady work for your entire career if you brand yourself well, provide good service, and put in the effort. Compare this to escorting where you hit your peak rate, stay there as long as you can, and slowly taper it down with age. Dennis Hof says his women earn more with age, rather than less.

The clientele is more polite, and less nitpicky and asinine about small flaws/imperfection (unlike the TER/ECCIE culture)

Read brothel girl reviews vs escort reviews for some good examples of this. Guys on TER and ECCIE nitpick about the smallest things — I remember the most notable one for me being “a quarter sized patch of stubble on the upper pubis that ruined my entire session”. I could never imagine something so petty being an issue here. As I just said women of all shapes, sizes, and colours can do well. As long as your hygiene is good, your grooming is good, you wear flattering clothes, and have a good personality clients accept that you’re a human being who might have a little 5 o’clock pussy shadow if they’re seeing you at 10pm and you shaved at 8am. Men don’t complain about barely there scars, or a tiny bit of cellulite whereas on TER even a smidge of either would equal a monster with a garbage bag of cottage cheese instead of an ass. One wine glass in the sink = OMG SHES SO HIGH VOLUME AND DIRTY. And let’s not even start on the fact you can’t earn a 10/10 unless you do services TER considers fun and worthwhile.

I feel almost as if the people coming and paying for sex with no illusions are more polite than the people pussyfooting around with the concept of buying time. The attitude of entitlement in clientele is significantly less here, and you can actually end an appointment when a client crosses the line rather than trying to figure out “how to get out of it” safely. Also without the fear of a libelous review afterward for leaving early when he was the one violating boundaries. The amount of disparaging words from brothel clients — excluding hobbyists, who are few and far between and have their own special name — is significantly lower, and the amount of respect higher. The locker room mindset of board culture is not a “thing” here. And I can’t tell you how amazing that is.

Camaraderie

The stereotype that escorts do not have female friends definitely applied to me. There’s a book I read once, before becoming a provider, and there’s an independent provider in it. She’s portrayed extremely accurately (to the point where the author MUST know someone who provides) and one of the things she says upon meeting the protagonist was, “Stop by again. I don’t know many women, I would like to know you.” I didn’t understand at the time, but it can definitely happen.

When I became an escort, I noticed the amount of female friends in my life (already a small number) dwindle to basically zero. Any new friends I made were guys. I’ve already related better to and understood men on a different level, and being an escort only sharpened that.

But here? You live with up to 24 other women who you work and eat with. Some you have sex with (two girl parties!). You don’t HAVE to get along, or try to forge friendships…but it’s in your best interests for many reasons (some business, some personal) to try and do so. You also have to understand you’re not going to be everyone’s BFF overnight, and you can’t expect everyone to love you. The women are just guarded — and rightfully so — because many new women come and go. Or some come and try to start drama. We’re not about that at the house I work at. And so as long as you maintain the balance of friendly but not too friendly and follow the rules, people will warm up to you. Each trip I take, I make more friends. And even on that first trip, where only 3 or 4 people spoke to me? I had the time of my life with those people. Quality matters more than quantity with friendships.

There is just something very amazing about the fact if I have a shitty session, I can find someone who not only will listen but truly understands and relates. It’s nice to be able to sit around and freely talk about work with people who not only don’t judge, but understand exactly what you’re on about. Being alone is an actual choice, rather than a side effect of the job.

The external love and acceptance is overwhelming

I am open with many people about what I do — namely friends and consequence free strangers (uber drivers, hair stylists, waxers, etc). I was a lot more cautious about this as an escort, because of the legality aspect. I felt like I had more to hide. Now that I work a legal job with a license? You bet anytime a stranger asks me what I do I’m honest. And you know what? I have gotten the most positive reactions EVER. People tell me how cool that is and how cool it is I’m open about it. Then they usually have tons of questions and then want to hear about the facility, the schedule, what it’s like. With escorting the usual response was usually “Isn’t that dangerous?” or “Isn’t that illegal?” Tentative questions that they didn’t really want the answers to, rather than excited and enthusiastic ones that lead to long conversations and being told how awesome I am. Having a job that people show legitimate positivity towards? That’s amazing. Whenever I go shopping for work clothes/accessories, I straight up tell them I’m buying these things to wear in a brothel. Actually, ever since I started telling clerks why I was buying the clothes, I’ve been matched up with some really bomb ass outfits and accessories. The clerks get enthusiastic and love helping me find clothes as they ask questions. When I told my pedicurist, she upgraded my service (for free) so she could keep talking and ask more questions.

While I realise we are not totally accepted in society, I will definitely say I feel more accepted and the job is way more okay with people when you’re doing it legally. Hypocritical? Absolutely. Do I love it? You bet. Liberating is a good word for how it feels to have a 100% legal profession I can tell people about freely.

It’s not for everyone.

You have to be tough to work in a brothel. It’s a 24/7 life — you could be pulled out of bed anytime for a small party, and sometimes they’ll even walk. I personally prefer the round the clock life of the brothel, though it does making having any kind of schedule/routine much more difficult. You spend a lot of time being “on the clock” (ready, dressed) but not working. Some days you may not work. You may not work for two days and then book a huge party on day 3. It can be panic inducing for some. A good business mind and confidence are absolutely essential. I had never negotiated anything other than vehicle and home purchases, but having the basic skills were helpful. Reading has been helpful. Listening has been helpful.

You have to be able to sell yourself in person, rather than online. How pretty your website is, what words you write on it? They mean very little compared to how you are in person when they have 24 other women to choose from if you don’t shine when the time comes. Having a social media presence and internet presence definitely gets customers in the door, but when it comes to foot traffic you have to be on your social game more than anything. That’s not to say you can’t be introverted or won’t get internet based prebookings/appointments, but you’ve also got to be able to put yourself aside enough to try and get a client back to your bedroom, rather than just playing the email or phone game until they’re already a sure thing.

You have to have a thick skin. If you can’t be a “yes man” and live within a specific set of rules, it may not be for you. If you can’t be a team player, it’s not for you. If the idea of being on lockdown is something you can’t get past, it’s not for you. If the idea of being social to sell yourself, and networking with other providers is something you aren’t interested in, it’s probably not for you. But I’ll say this — I bought into the stigma of it being “worse” than escorting for years (housecut, lockdown, drama, etc).

And boy was I ever wrong.