I asked the help of other providers, and as such I will be putting their banners at the bottom of this entry.  Make sure to click the more link to see some of extremely sexy ladies who helped make this guide possible.

DO:

• Be respectful on the phone or in emails.  A nice email that says more than “45, male, attractive, 6 foot, need appointment Sunday at 3″ goes a very long way.

  Introduce yourself, be polite as you would with anyone else you had never met.  Remember she is a person and would probably appreciate knowing more about you than your age and height before agreeing to meet you, a stranger.

• Read the provider’s website.  The night before your appointment give it another look over, so you know how and where she wants you to leave the donation and any other important ‘policies’ she may have.  If she has an etiquette page, give it a read as well.  It’s there to make things go smoothly for everyone involved.

  I’m not saying you have to sit there and memorise everything she’s ever said, but it’s written to make your appointment go smoothly.  The website is not only a marketing tool for the provider, but a tool for you to use to put yourself at ease.

• THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES! Call the provider from the car if you need any location details clarified.  Do not call in the lobby of the hotel, her building, or anywhere that you can be overheard. Most women are trying to maintain discretion, so you’ll want to have any kind of buzzer code (or directions to her hotel room) before you even walk inside so it looks like you know exactly where you’re going.

  Do not ever use her working name at the buzzer, do not ever use it at her door.  Providers generally want it to look like an old friend is coming to visit and so they need you need to be discreet.  Buzz up and say something simple.  I asked my visitors to buzz up and say “Hey it’s me,” and I would then buzz them up without replying (they would hear a beep as I pressed the entry button).

  I did not take questions at the buzzer, I did not speak.  If buzzer time comes and you have a question, walk away from the building (again, get in your car if possible) and call the lady’s private cell phone to ask.  Never talk to hotel staff, concierges or anyone around and never mention a woman’s working name outside of your car or her apartment/hotel room.  This is a good way to raise suspicion and stress out a lady.

• Make sure you know her restrictions and respect them.  EXAMPLE:  If she offers CBJ, do not ask for or expect BBBJ.  No matter what may have read in a review, it’s really just best to respect what you’ve seen on her site or ads no matter what rumours have surfaced.  Please remember sometimes reviews are done with a “check box” format and it’s very easy to check the WRONG box between CBJ and BBBJ without even noticing.

  You risk offending a lady by asking for a service she has never advertised providing.  Provider’s are not oversensitive – however there are a lot of assholes who try to ask/push for services that she does offer.  It can put a woman on the defensive, because it has to.  When someone tries to push for services you don’t offer, you go into “protective” mode to avoid being forced.  Do not risk ending up putting a lady on the defensive and being lumped in with those guys by making a simple mistake based on a review.

• Take a shower either before the appointment or at it if offered.  Beforehand, please trim your fingers and toenails.  Being scratching someone with ragged toenails/fingernails is a big turn off.  A good tip I’ve heard is to prepare for it as you would any other date where you think you are getting sex.

  Trimming or shaving (your preference) anything you expect a mouth to go on or around is a plus.  It’s can serve as a sign for providers that you want certain areas kissed/licked.  If you don’t at the very least trim, many providers will take it as a sign you aren’t interested in that particular act.
  
  Make sure that you trim/shave THE DAY BEFORE the appointment in case you cut yourself!!. The last thing you want (safety wise) is an open cut in your genital area before sex with ANY new partner. Day after stubble is much better than a cut!

• Following up with the last ‘tip’:  Ask for what you want, how you want it.  I don’t mean for you to bark orders, but if you aren’t clear about what you want you may end up disappointed.  Perhaps you have not trimmed or shaved the area between your testicles and anus¹ but would like a touch there.  Let her know! If you do not ask her for what you want and end up disappointed, do not write a negative review – that’s VERY unfair to her as she is not a mind reader. If you do not ask for what you want and end up disappointed it is NOT her fault.

  Along the same line, PLEASE tell the provider if it’s “not going to happen” for you.  Most will do whatever they can to make it happen and it goes a long way if a man says something and you two can discuss what else she can do for you in the time left.  Perhaps a massage would be nice, or just laying in bed talking.  But try to avoid frustrating you and her if the plumbing is not running well that day.

• Bring your own condoms JUST IN CASE.  Make sure they are in an UNOPENED BOX.  Be prepared and expect to use hers as there are men who tamper with them.  The exception to this would be if you are an irregular size or have allergies.  Then you should be prepared to use yours after inspection by the provider.  This is not a slight against your character, unfortunately there are many men before you who have fucked it up for all the good ones.
• Mention your allergies (if you have them).  Many ladies burn scented candles, burn incense, wear scented lotion, or have pets.  Some women also smoke.  It is in your best interest to ask these things if you’re affected by any of these types of things.  Providers do not want you to be miserable, sniffling, sneezing, or worse during an appointment.  Many are happy to do extra clean up or air out their apartments if it will help you be comfortable.

  I have a field on my form asking if you are scent sensitive so I can plan accordingly.  I often burn light incense, or candles/oils.  If you are scent sensitive I will air out my incall for an entire day before our visit and use unscented toiletries the day of.  We really do want you to be happy, you just have to let us know things like this!

• Clean up your residence or hotel room if having her over for an outcall.  Even if you just stick things in a closet, it’s the thought that counts.  This one works both ways.  You expect a lady to have a clean incall that smells nice without stacks of dishes…we expect the same.

DONT:

• Brush your teeth or floss within 30 minutes of your appointment.  It may tear the lining of your mouth increasing exposure to STIs.  Brush your teeth the morning of the appointment, avoid pungent foods, and use mouthwash or gum.

  If you do eat pungent foods such as garlic or onions before the appointment please just politely apologise in advance because no amount of mouthwash or gum will cover it up completely.  It’s better to say, “Hey I’m sorry I had some lasagna for lunch and didn’t even think of the garlic” than to surprise a woman with it later.

• Slather yourself in scent.  My rule is this:  If you want a tongue to touch it then cologne, aftershave, or deodorant should not be on it.  Not only can this taste awful, ingesting certain tolietries could cause stomach aches or worse for the lady.

  A touch of cologne behind the ears and on the wrists is fine, and deodorant on your underarms is great – but on your chest, testicles, or penis…nope!  I will say this though:  A little cologne in the ass crack itself is fine if you aren’t looking to receive DATO.

• Barter or say you are short of the donation and expect the appointment to still take place.  If a woman’s rates are non-negotiable, respect that.  If you decide to attempt to haggle despite knowing her donation is firm be prepared to be asked to leave.

  Some women do have negotiable rates.  This will be mentioned on her site or in an ad – negotiate how and when she wants to.  Some women also run specials or have discounts.  Do not try to ask for these things if they are expired or do not apply to you.For example, I run a military discount (10%).  I had a client who draft dodged (no joke) who tried to get it.  I was actually pretty upset.  Don’t do things like that and expect a lady to be impressed after.  I still completed the appointment and gave the best service I could, but I did deny his request for a repeat appointment.  I couldn’t get past the fact he wanted a military discount after draft dodging.

• Use her toilet for anything except peeing, no matter what.  Do it in the hotel lobby, do it in a nearby restaurant.  I do not care where you do it as long as it’s not her bathroom.

  While we’re at it – please do not pee in the shower.  We know when you do this and we have to clean our shower every time you do. It’s fine at home, I’m sure most people do it – but not in someone’s shower that they have to clean after each use.  I don’t want to clean up your pee

  On a similar note, don’t shave your body in the shower either for the same reason!

• Bring food, drink, or flowers UNLESS you’ve cleared it with her first or her website says it’s okay. I know these are typically nice surprises, but they are not always nice for those who cannot have them.  It may make her feel awkward if she needs to turn them down either due to allergies or a special diet (i.e. diabetes, celiac).

  This includes alcohol – many women do not drink with clients (even if the bottle is sealed) so clear it with her first if her website does not make it clear.On the flip side, many women LOVE these things so do not write off the idea of bringing them just because you can’t surprise her – just ASK!

• Bring up other escorts or forums.  This tends to turn into a gossip session, rather than casual conversation.  Likewise, if she starts gossiping about other escorts/forums then try to steer the conversation in another direction.

  Try not to talk negatively about other ladies if possible.  If a lady did something extremely unsafe in your presence (offered you BBFS for example, or you saw drug paraphernalia) or was non-discreet (called a number you said not to) this is the exception.It is FINE to inform providers of such things but gossip = bad.

• Ask a girl how many clients she has seen that day or if you’re the first client of the day. Even if her answer is what you’re wanting to hear, this isn’t really appropriate conversation material. While most girls are happy to talk about their start in the industry, many are not. Let them bring it up if they want to.

  Similarly, do not ask personal questions about her real life. She’ll volunteer information she wants to, but do not pry.  There’s a fine line between curiosity/”getting to know you” and being invasive.  You don’t have to tip toe or anything of the sort, just use common sense.This is another one that works both ways, if she starts to pry – simply steer the conversation elsewhere or tell her up front you are not comfortable with the questions.

• Ask for BBFS or BB Greek.  Even if it’s to “test her reaction”, don’t do it.  You may end up offending her, ruining a great session, and costing yourself a good reference in the future.Not to mention, you may scare her.  If you’re asking her – who else are you asking (likewise, if a lady offers you – who else is she offering?).  Saying it was a “test” is a horrible excuse.  I cannot describe the feeling of ice water through your veins when you hear the words “without a condom” in reference to vaginal or anal sex in this industry.If you ask this in an initial email (or phone call) – even to “test” her – you will ruin any rapport you had and really any chance you had of ever meeting the lady in real life.

  Anyone who mentions BBFS or BB Greek I may reply to…but only to say that I am saddened and horrified at the request, and that I cannot continue this conversation or meet them.

• Overstay your welcome.  What you book is what you get.  While most ladies will not be staring at the clock and are lenient, most will also not want to have to ask you to leave.  It is awkward, and can make a lady feel very uncomfortable.  You are in her space, please respect that.  Do not take advantage of a lady’s generosity.  You are buying time, do not try and get something for nothing.  If you want more time, book a longer visit.  I do not stare at the clock personally, nor do I deduct showers from your time (you get one before and after).  I find it very rude to not meet me halfway by being courteous and respecting my time.  I do have plans and a life outside of our visit and while my goal is to make you happy during our visit, it is not at the cost of my other plans.





• Use a BS excuse to cancel.  If you changed your mind, just tell her.  Treat her the way you want to be treated.  Don’t under explain, don’t over explain.
  
  
  Cancel early, if you decide against the visit.  Do not wait until the absolute last second.  Remember we often turn down other appointments at the same time for you – if you have to cancel and you do it early enough we may be able to make up the lost appointment.
  
  
  
  If you need to legitimately cancel and reschedule, let her know up front you want to reschedule for X date.  This will show you are serious and makes her more likely to book with you again.
  
  
  
  If the appointment was an incall and the lady works out of a hotel, dropping her an extra $50 might be nice because she had probably already booked the room.  Personally, when I worked out of hotels I booked through Hotwire when I confirmed an appointment.  If someone canceled after that, I was out money.  Usually between $45-$70 depending on what/where I had booked.

• Promise things you won’t or can’t deliver whether it’s another appointment, a review, or some kind of present/tip.Even though a review or another appointment sound minor, I get my hopes up for reviews I am promised.  I love feedback and I love to know what I’m doing right/wrong. When you don’t deliver, it does disappoint me.  I understand things come up and life gets busy so if you had the intent and then couldn’t follow through – fine.  I do understand that.  But if you have no intent in the first place, don’t promise.

  Same goes with another appointment.  I enjoy the vast majority of my time with visitors.  If you promise another appointment “soon” – I will generally be looking forward to hearing from you again.  If I don’t hear from you, sometimes I do grow concerned about you.  Again, things come up and if you can’t it’s fine – but if you have no intent in the first place why bother?

  You owe a provider nothing aside from the donation – there is no need to try and promise her the world.
  

Hopefully this has helped you whether you’ve done this a hundred times, or two.

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1. yes, I mean your taint

4.  Not paying taxes carries some pretty harsh penalties
Morality aside, do you REALLY want to pay fines, penalties, have a felony conviction on your record, and possibly go to jail over it?

Assuming you are a single person with no dependents and you make 85,000/year you owe about 14,000.  Yes, it’s a nice chunk of change…but if you don’t pay that 14,000 do you know what can happen to you?  From here:

– Late Filing Penalties
If you owe tax and don’t file on time, according to IRS regulations, penalties are assessed and added to your bill. Penalties are in addition to BOTH the tax due and the interest on the past due tax. The total late–filing penalty is usually 5% of the tax owed for each month, or part of a month, that your return is late up to five months (25%).If your return is over 60 days late, the minimum penalty for late filing is the smaller of $100 or 100 percent of the tax owed.
– Late Payment Penalties

Generally, interest is charged on any unpaid tax from the due date of the return until the date of payment. The interest rate on unpaid Federal tax is determined and posted every three months. It is the federal short–term interest rate plus 3 percent. Interest is compounded daily.

But that’s not all.  In addition to this, there are fines and potential jail sentences if you are caught.  They will audit you and tear your finances apart until they are satisfied.  The penalties are similar in Canada, albeit a little less cutthroat.

3.  The IRS is not someone you want in your life

If there is one thing the tragedy of Joseph Stack has proven, it’s that you really don’t want the IRS in your business day after day, year after year.  While his case was extreme, it does happen.  If you fall victim to a random audit and you haven’t been paying your taxes, for lack of a better term you’re fucked.  Revenue Canada is no better.  They will hound you until they get what you owe.

2.  Not paying taxes is stealing from your local area
This goes double if you live in a country such as Canada, where your taxes actually go to social programs.  When you don’t pay your taxes, you are depriving important services (such as fire and police) funding.  You are stealing from schools, parks, roads, and in certain cases (i.e. Canada) health care.

1.  You use the things taxes pay for every day of your life
The things listed in #2 are things most people use on a regular basis.  You count on the police to keep you safe, firefighters to put out your house if it goes up.  You drive on roads, you visit parks, you went to school.  Why on earth should everyone pay for that except you?  You are not above paying for this. This is especially true, once again, in Canada where your healthcare is paid for by taxes.  When you do not pay your taxes, the healthcare system suffers. 

What makes you feel so entitled that you should get something for nothing when everyone else has to pay?

You’ll still make money. Just not as much, and less repeat business. You can wear your everyday makeup that looks alright or you can take the time to find out what makeup looks best with your lingerie, match it according, and look smashing. You can shave down there daily and deal with razor burn and having to cover it with makeup, or you can research how to prevent it.

Now please don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying you HAVE to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on designer lingerie, shoes, stockings, clothes. You don’t have to buy Dior eyeshadow, Hermes handbags, Armani coats. That’s not what I’m saying at all, because it’s completely unnecessary. But in spending a little extra money and time, you can increase your earning potential and go much further in the business. The goal isn’t to spend lots of money, but rather to make it look like you do. The last thing you want in this business is to LOOK cheap.

Places like Winners (Canada) or TJ/TK Maxx (US/UK respectively), and Ross should be on your frequently visited list. Scour these places regularly, as they get some nice lingerie from time to time. I’ve found some really nice pieces of lingerie at Winners from Rampage (who also makes nice shoes).

Mid-priced lingerie shops like La Senza and Victoria’s Secret should also be on your radar during sales. Their full price stuff is, for the most part, a rip-0ff as the quality isn’t always the best. But their sale prices are more than fair. Same goes for your local department store. Keep an eye out there too, but don’t pay full price. Pay close attention to sales, coupons, and 2 for 1 (or similar) deals. Back to school and end of season sales are your best friend. With the economy being so bad, also watch for recession sales and business closing/liquidation sales.

Frederick’s of Hollywood is my favourite for non fishnet stockings, and bra and panty sets.  They often run great deals on bras.  Keep them on your radar, the stuff is quality and built to last.

But the real goldmine for lingerie, in my opinion, is a GOOD sex shop.  You’ll find the best ones near military bases.  Bonus points if there’s a strip club nearby. Body stockings, corsets, pvc, fishnet anything, costumes, and even some sheer dresses and teddies.  The stuff isn’t the GREATEST quality, but it’s usually at a low enough price it’s a non-issue.

I don’t recommend Walmart for anything other than regular pantyhose.

Buy lingerie that flatters your body type and any physical flaws you may have and take good care of your lingerie. It’s one of the most important things in terms of aesthetics.  I always stress that crotchless fishnets go a long way for leg and ass flaws, and good heels will lean you out.  3 to 4 inches is ideal.

Here’s a breakdown of my personal costs for work.

Make-up: $50 once every 3 months. I do not wear lipstick or perfume which saves a great deal of money. Before you ask why I don’t wear lipstick or perfume, think a little about how you would feel if your significant other came home smelling of lady’s perfume and lipstick on his collar.

Lingerie: This one is a little trickier but I’d say I spend anywhere from $500-$2000 a year depending on need.

Stockings: This is the item I have to replace most since they get the most wear. I probably spend about $20-30/month on them. I found that they all stretch, they all run, so just buy a mid-ranged brand that fits good and looks nice.  Frederick’s stockings last longer than most if we aren’t talking about fishnet.  Fishnet stockings are all shoddy quality.

Shoes: These take the least wear, you rarely walk in them, so just go for something that looks great with your lingerie and outcall clothing. I spent $25 bucks on some gorgeous black Mary Jane pumps at a post-Christmas sale. This is one thing you CAN go to Walmart/Target/Zellers/Payless for. I’m also a big fan of Macy’s for good heels, even though they will run you anywhere from 40-80 dollars at regular price. Just watch carefully for sales.

Hair care: I spend about $30 every 4 weeks for a colour, trim, and deep conditioning treatment. Your milage may vary depending on your hair type, length, and style desired. I have a professional flat iron ($150, but to be fair I bought it ages ago for personal use), and I use Q-Silk silicone hair treatment.  I go to my local beauty school for this.

Nails: I get one mani/pedi every 6 weeks or so and just maintain at home.  I use clear polish only.

Body: Whether it’s walking, running, doing yoga, putting an exercise bike in front of your TV, or going to the gym I feel the need to maintain my body.  Others don’t, and that’s fine, but I spent about $250 on a home bike, ankle weights, and some free weights.

Sexual safety: Condoms and lube! Absolute necessities. I spend about $250/year on condoms (from Condomania) and $100 on lube (from CheapLubes). I use Crown (also called Crown Skin Less Skin) for regular sized men, Magnums for larger men. I use Wet Platinum Premium Body Glide. Not to mention that CheapLubes includes a large sample pack of flavoured lubes/massage oils just for fun.

Outcall wear: I purchased a nice coat and 2 dresses for about $150 to wear to upscale hotels or restaurants. The coat was 70% off due to end of season/sidewalk sales, the dresses were buy one get one half off. I got a classy little black purse that matches everything for $15.

Cell phone: You need a phone with GPS tracking, texting, and that is easy to use.  YMMV on cost.

Overall, to pay for these things, I think I work maybe an extra hour or two a month tops. And these things really have made a difference. I’ve been doing this off and on for a few years now and while I’ve just gone back to it about 2 months ago, I have noticed a steady increase in my clientele since getting the money to do nicer things like the Brazilian, the professional hair colouring, manicures, nicer lingerie.

Now how about the non-monetary costs? I’ve gone over some of these in my FAQ and lists but not in very much detail.

Sex: I like sex, I do. I have a healthy sexual appetite and get regular non-work sex. I do not treat my sexual partners like clients, they do not treat me like an escort. I enjoy my sex life, and there’s been really no negative impact on it.

Friends: I have friends. Some know what I do, some don’t. I don’t tell the ones who don’t because most of them are either anti-sex work or just wouldn’t really get it. I don’t feel that their opinion of me should changed based on what I do for a living. I liken this to a doctor who performs abortions. That doctor probably just tells people, “Yeah I’m a doctor” and when they get asked specifics they mention “women’s health”. Most people know that I do lingerie and nude modeling, I don’t hide that. Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler have made it more okay to show off your body. But this kind of work isn’t quite there yet. So I either tell people that I just model. A few people know what I actually am, the ones I know won’t turn on me or judge me. The ones who get it.

Family: I don’t really have much of it. I have one family member of importance. They don’t know anything about this. They know about the modeling and aren’t really happy with it, but support my choices as an adult. I don’t know what they’d do if they knew, I don’t want to find out.  This person knows I do something other than modelling and is fine with whatever it is as long as I’m not dealing drugs. I think deep down they know, but neither of us really feels the need to verbalise it.

Availability: It’s a lot harder to plan my upcoming week.  I can plan way in advance, and block off time when I have no appointments, but I really hate making myself unavailable without knowing interest.  Most of my clients book anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 days in advance.

Reviews: My reviews are actually quite good, and I am blessed to have seen men with such kind words.  That being said, I do notice people sometimes trying to emulate what they read in the reviews which bugs me a bit.  I do not like to provide carbon copy service, and I certainly do not want to have the same encounter time and time again.

Physical demands: I feel like I’ve always got to be perfect. I watch my weight a little too closely and exercise more than I probably need to. I know I have a nice body, but I’m so paranoid and sometimes stress out. This is something that I’m getting better at dealing with, but it still does get to me sometimes.

STDs: Even though my clients are well screened (and have great hygeine), I get weekly tests, use condoms for everything, make sure there’s no visible sores or anything obvious it still IS a concern. I am comfortable with it, but one of the downsides is that yes, my job can get me sick. Will it? Probably not. And statistically I have a lower risk of getting an STD than women who go to bars, get drunk, and fuck without protection. But I do still think about it from time to time.

Public opinion/stereotypes: Annoying as hell. Part of the reason I keep this blog (aside from the fact that I like writing) is the hopes that it enlightens at least one person about the realities of sex work. If I can show 5 people in my entire life that sex work is not what the media says it is and they tell 5 people then all of my time invest in this blog is well worth it.

Assault/rape: This is a concern that plagues anyone who spends intimate time with multiple people. Women who go to bars often go willingly with men, decide not to sleep with them, and get beaten and raped. The same applies to escorts. This is why GOOD client screening is absolutely integral. I recommend carrying some form of legal protection. Pepper spray, a small knife, a self defense class. Just make sure whatever you carry is LEGAL in your area. The last thing you want to do is be arrested when in reality you’re the victim.

Legalities/Law Enforcement: What I do is completely legal. All money exchanged is for companionship only and anything that happens is a decision between two consenting adults. Money is not exchanged for sexual services, but rather time. The disclaimer on my page is absolutely true.  I do not sell sex, I sell my companionship.  I sell a fantasy.  There is nothing illegal about that whatsoever.

That being said, I work in both Canada and the US. The sex trade is kind of legal in Canada. However there are many people against it so there’s a bunch of little loopholes about what they can and can’t get you for. So you do have to be careful and know the law, but the worry is not as much as it is in the US. If you’re interested in this subject, here is a really good write-up about it. Knowing the law and knowing your rights is extremely important in the event you do have a run in with the moral police.  Always have the number of a good lawyer on hand too.