I asked the help of other providers, and as such I will be putting their banners at the bottom of this entry.  Make sure to click the more link to see some of extremely sexy ladies who helped make this guide possible.

DO:

• Be respectful on the phone or in emails.  A nice email that says more than “45, male, attractive, 6 foot, need appointment Sunday at 3″ goes a very long way.

  Introduce yourself, be polite as you would with anyone else you had never met.  Remember she is a person and would probably appreciate knowing more about you than your age and height before agreeing to meet you, a stranger.

• Read the provider’s website.  The night before your appointment give it another look over, so you know how and where she wants you to leave the donation and any other important ‘policies’ she may have.  If she has an etiquette page, give it a read as well.  It’s there to make things go smoothly for everyone involved.

  I’m not saying you have to sit there and memorise everything she’s ever said, but it’s written to make your appointment go smoothly.  The website is not only a marketing tool for the provider, but a tool for you to use to put yourself at ease.

• THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES! Call the provider from the car if you need any location details clarified.  Do not call in the lobby of the hotel, her building, or anywhere that you can be overheard. Most women are trying to maintain discretion, so you’ll want to have any kind of buzzer code (or directions to her hotel room) before you even walk inside so it looks like you know exactly where you’re going.

  Do not ever use her working name at the buzzer, do not ever use it at her door.  Providers generally want it to look like an old friend is coming to visit and so they need you need to be discreet.  Buzz up and say something simple.  I asked my visitors to buzz up and say “Hey it’s me,” and I would then buzz them up without replying (they would hear a beep as I pressed the entry button).

  I did not take questions at the buzzer, I did not speak.  If buzzer time comes and you have a question, walk away from the building (again, get in your car if possible) and call the lady’s private cell phone to ask.  Never talk to hotel staff, concierges or anyone around and never mention a woman’s working name outside of your car or her apartment/hotel room.  This is a good way to raise suspicion and stress out a lady.

• Make sure you know her restrictions and respect them.  EXAMPLE:  If she offers CBJ, do not ask for or expect BBBJ.  No matter what may have read in a review, it’s really just best to respect what you’ve seen on her site or ads no matter what rumours have surfaced.  Please remember sometimes reviews are done with a “check box” format and it’s very easy to check the WRONG box between CBJ and BBBJ without even noticing.

  You risk offending a lady by asking for a service she has never advertised providing.  Provider’s are not oversensitive – however there are a lot of assholes who try to ask/push for services that she does offer.  It can put a woman on the defensive, because it has to.  When someone tries to push for services you don’t offer, you go into “protective” mode to avoid being forced.  Do not risk ending up putting a lady on the defensive and being lumped in with those guys by making a simple mistake based on a review.

• Take a shower either before the appointment or at it if offered.  Beforehand, please trim your fingers and toenails.  Being scratching someone with ragged toenails/fingernails is a big turn off.  A good tip I’ve heard is to prepare for it as you would any other date where you think you are getting sex.

  Trimming or shaving (your preference) anything you expect a mouth to go on or around is a plus.  It’s can serve as a sign for providers that you want certain areas kissed/licked.  If you don’t at the very least trim, many providers will take it as a sign you aren’t interested in that particular act.
  
  Make sure that you trim/shave THE DAY BEFORE the appointment in case you cut yourself!!. The last thing you want (safety wise) is an open cut in your genital area before sex with ANY new partner. Day after stubble is much better than a cut!

• Following up with the last ‘tip’:  Ask for what you want, how you want it.  I don’t mean for you to bark orders, but if you aren’t clear about what you want you may end up disappointed.  Perhaps you have not trimmed or shaved the area between your testicles and anus¹ but would like a touch there.  Let her know! If you do not ask her for what you want and end up disappointed, do not write a negative review – that’s VERY unfair to her as she is not a mind reader. If you do not ask for what you want and end up disappointed it is NOT her fault.

  Along the same line, PLEASE tell the provider if it’s “not going to happen” for you.  Most will do whatever they can to make it happen and it goes a long way if a man says something and you two can discuss what else she can do for you in the time left.  Perhaps a massage would be nice, or just laying in bed talking.  But try to avoid frustrating you and her if the plumbing is not running well that day.

• Bring your own condoms JUST IN CASE.  Make sure they are in an UNOPENED BOX.  Be prepared and expect to use hers as there are men who tamper with them.  The exception to this would be if you are an irregular size or have allergies.  Then you should be prepared to use yours after inspection by the provider.  This is not a slight against your character, unfortunately there are many men before you who have fucked it up for all the good ones.
• Mention your allergies (if you have them).  Many ladies burn scented candles, burn incense, wear scented lotion, or have pets.  Some women also smoke.  It is in your best interest to ask these things if you’re affected by any of these types of things.  Providers do not want you to be miserable, sniffling, sneezing, or worse during an appointment.  Many are happy to do extra clean up or air out their apartments if it will help you be comfortable.

  I have a field on my form asking if you are scent sensitive so I can plan accordingly.  I often burn light incense, or candles/oils.  If you are scent sensitive I will air out my incall for an entire day before our visit and use unscented toiletries the day of.  We really do want you to be happy, you just have to let us know things like this!

• Clean up your residence or hotel room if having her over for an outcall.  Even if you just stick things in a closet, it’s the thought that counts.  This one works both ways.  You expect a lady to have a clean incall that smells nice without stacks of dishes…we expect the same.

DONT:

• Brush your teeth or floss within 30 minutes of your appointment.  It may tear the lining of your mouth increasing exposure to STIs.  Brush your teeth the morning of the appointment, avoid pungent foods, and use mouthwash or gum.

  If you do eat pungent foods such as garlic or onions before the appointment please just politely apologise in advance because no amount of mouthwash or gum will cover it up completely.  It’s better to say, “Hey I’m sorry I had some lasagna for lunch and didn’t even think of the garlic” than to surprise a woman with it later.

• Slather yourself in scent.  My rule is this:  If you want a tongue to touch it then cologne, aftershave, or deodorant should not be on it.  Not only can this taste awful, ingesting certain tolietries could cause stomach aches or worse for the lady.

  A touch of cologne behind the ears and on the wrists is fine, and deodorant on your underarms is great – but on your chest, testicles, or penis…nope!  I will say this though:  A little cologne in the ass crack itself is fine if you aren’t looking to receive DATO.

• Barter or say you are short of the donation and expect the appointment to still take place.  If a woman’s rates are non-negotiable, respect that.  If you decide to attempt to haggle despite knowing her donation is firm be prepared to be asked to leave.

  Some women do have negotiable rates.  This will be mentioned on her site or in an ad – negotiate how and when she wants to.  Some women also run specials or have discounts.  Do not try to ask for these things if they are expired or do not apply to you.For example, I run a military discount (10%).  I had a client who draft dodged (no joke) who tried to get it.  I was actually pretty upset.  Don’t do things like that and expect a lady to be impressed after.  I still completed the appointment and gave the best service I could, but I did deny his request for a repeat appointment.  I couldn’t get past the fact he wanted a military discount after draft dodging.

• Use her toilet for anything except peeing, no matter what.  Do it in the hotel lobby, do it in a nearby restaurant.  I do not care where you do it as long as it’s not her bathroom.

  While we’re at it – please do not pee in the shower.  We know when you do this and we have to clean our shower every time you do. It’s fine at home, I’m sure most people do it – but not in someone’s shower that they have to clean after each use.  I don’t want to clean up your pee

  On a similar note, don’t shave your body in the shower either for the same reason!

• Bring food, drink, or flowers UNLESS you’ve cleared it with her first or her website says it’s okay. I know these are typically nice surprises, but they are not always nice for those who cannot have them.  It may make her feel awkward if she needs to turn them down either due to allergies or a special diet (i.e. diabetes, celiac).

  This includes alcohol – many women do not drink with clients (even if the bottle is sealed) so clear it with her first if her website does not make it clear.On the flip side, many women LOVE these things so do not write off the idea of bringing them just because you can’t surprise her – just ASK!

• Bring up other escorts or forums.  This tends to turn into a gossip session, rather than casual conversation.  Likewise, if she starts gossiping about other escorts/forums then try to steer the conversation in another direction.

  Try not to talk negatively about other ladies if possible.  If a lady did something extremely unsafe in your presence (offered you BBFS for example, or you saw drug paraphernalia) or was non-discreet (called a number you said not to) this is the exception.It is FINE to inform providers of such things but gossip = bad.

• Ask a girl how many clients she has seen that day or if you’re the first client of the day. Even if her answer is what you’re wanting to hear, this isn’t really appropriate conversation material. While most girls are happy to talk about their start in the industry, many are not. Let them bring it up if they want to.

  Similarly, do not ask personal questions about her real life. She’ll volunteer information she wants to, but do not pry.  There’s a fine line between curiosity/”getting to know you” and being invasive.  You don’t have to tip toe or anything of the sort, just use common sense.This is another one that works both ways, if she starts to pry – simply steer the conversation elsewhere or tell her up front you are not comfortable with the questions.

• Ask for BBFS or BB Greek.  Even if it’s to “test her reaction”, don’t do it.  You may end up offending her, ruining a great session, and costing yourself a good reference in the future.Not to mention, you may scare her.  If you’re asking her – who else are you asking (likewise, if a lady offers you – who else is she offering?).  Saying it was a “test” is a horrible excuse.  I cannot describe the feeling of ice water through your veins when you hear the words “without a condom” in reference to vaginal or anal sex in this industry.If you ask this in an initial email (or phone call) – even to “test” her – you will ruin any rapport you had and really any chance you had of ever meeting the lady in real life.

  Anyone who mentions BBFS or BB Greek I may reply to…but only to say that I am saddened and horrified at the request, and that I cannot continue this conversation or meet them.

• Overstay your welcome.  What you book is what you get.  While most ladies will not be staring at the clock and are lenient, most will also not want to have to ask you to leave.  It is awkward, and can make a lady feel very uncomfortable.  You are in her space, please respect that.  Do not take advantage of a lady’s generosity.  You are buying time, do not try and get something for nothing.  If you want more time, book a longer visit.  I do not stare at the clock personally, nor do I deduct showers from your time (you get one before and after).  I find it very rude to not meet me halfway by being courteous and respecting my time.  I do have plans and a life outside of our visit and while my goal is to make you happy during our visit, it is not at the cost of my other plans.





• Use a BS excuse to cancel.  If you changed your mind, just tell her.  Treat her the way you want to be treated.  Don’t under explain, don’t over explain.
  
  
  Cancel early, if you decide against the visit.  Do not wait until the absolute last second.  Remember we often turn down other appointments at the same time for you – if you have to cancel and you do it early enough we may be able to make up the lost appointment.
  
  
  
  If you need to legitimately cancel and reschedule, let her know up front you want to reschedule for X date.  This will show you are serious and makes her more likely to book with you again.
  
  
  
  If the appointment was an incall and the lady works out of a hotel, dropping her an extra $50 might be nice because she had probably already booked the room.  Personally, when I worked out of hotels I booked through Hotwire when I confirmed an appointment.  If someone canceled after that, I was out money.  Usually between $45-$70 depending on what/where I had booked.

• Promise things you won’t or can’t deliver whether it’s another appointment, a review, or some kind of present/tip.Even though a review or another appointment sound minor, I get my hopes up for reviews I am promised.  I love feedback and I love to know what I’m doing right/wrong. When you don’t deliver, it does disappoint me.  I understand things come up and life gets busy so if you had the intent and then couldn’t follow through – fine.  I do understand that.  But if you have no intent in the first place, don’t promise.

  Same goes with another appointment.  I enjoy the vast majority of my time with visitors.  If you promise another appointment “soon” – I will generally be looking forward to hearing from you again.  If I don’t hear from you, sometimes I do grow concerned about you.  Again, things come up and if you can’t it’s fine – but if you have no intent in the first place why bother?

  You owe a provider nothing aside from the donation – there is no need to try and promise her the world.
  

Hopefully this has helped you whether you’ve done this a hundred times, or two.

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1. yes, I mean your taint

At first, I was going to password protect this post to men and providers but realised that if an angry wife found this blog and wanted to read this, it’s really not that hard to pretend to be a man.

So how do you see providers and not ruin your life?  It’s really not all that hard.  It requires thinking and being one step ahead.  Paranoia and guilt are the enemy.  If you feel paranoid or guilty, you might want to re-think whether or not this is something you really should be doing.

Throwaway Cell Phone
You can get these at Walmart, and they are not that expensive.  You put minutes on it when you want to hobby and the rest of the time just keep it hidden.  If at all possible, do not hide it in your house or car.  A suspicious woman will tear apart your home and car if she has the opportunity.  A throwaway cell phone is a good indicator you may be cheating.  Make sure voicemail is disabled and every single call or text is deleted.

I don’t recommend using your real phone if your wife has access to the bill.  She WILL see what numbers you called/texted and probably call one’s she doesn’t recognise to see if a woman answers.  While this sounds “out there”, just ask the next escort you see if she’s ever been called by a wife.  I know I’ve been called, emailed, and even PMed on a review board by irate wives.

Make a second (fake) email address
Do not use your primary email address, especially if you think your wife has your password.  Make a fake one somewhere.  Hushmail, Gmail, and Yahoo are all good places (though Yahoo tends to direct a lot of provider emails to your spam folder, so check it frequently).

Choose your username wisely.  Make it something related to you (i.e. golfman93203) but not sexual (i.e. swallowmyload6969).  If your wife DOES find your secondary account it’s better that it looks non-descriptive.  I personally prefer gmail due to the ability to archive active emails (which hides them from plain site) just in case anyone DOES get in.  However if your wife uses/knows gmail she will know exactly how and where to find them.  I recommend deleting ANY emails you do not NEED to be active.

On a similar subject, make sure the password is something your wife could never guess.  Don’t use anything even close to related to what your normal passwords are.  Honestly, I suggest the Strong Password Generator.  Make sure to check the email service you’re using allows special characters before generating the password.

Cover your tracks on the internet
Even if you have your own laptop/computer make sure to ALWAYS clear the history, cache, and cookies after each time you use the browser.  Certain browsers now have “privacy modes”.  Use these, they’re great!

Do not register for any industry related sites with anything your wife could recognise.  If your name is Jim B. Jacobson your TER username should probably not be jbjacobson.  But at the same time it shouldn’t be the same as your fake email address.  You want something generic and non-sexual.  Do not use your age or race in the username.  Whiteman44 is not a good username as your wife knows you are white and 44.  Try the Username Generator if you are stuck for something good.

Do not be stupid with phone numbers
Don’t keep numbers around with lady’s working names in your phone.  That’s asking for it.  Make sure the names are the names of men.  Pick something that starts with the same letter.  Missy becomes Mike, Harmony become Harold, Eva becomes Erik, etc al.

Keeping numbers of your short list is a good idea so you don’t have to constantly risk using the PC to get them, but only if your phone is well hidden.

Believable Cover Story
Exactly as it says, you need a GOOD cover story.  If you’re overweight saying you’re at the gym isn’t a good idea unless you are actively losing weight.  Your wife will notice you are not in any better shape and that your body hasn’t changed after about a month.  You have to come up with something realistic that will not arise suspicion.  The last thing you want is your wife calling where you’re supposed to be, only to find out you aren’t there.  So think long and hard about your cover story.

Take the time to research and only choose reputable providers
Check her site, check reviews, look for paid advertising.  Make sure the people who’ve reviewed her have a good review history.  Google her name, see what you find.  You may end up spending a bit more, as reputable providers with good reputations often have higher rates – but isn’t it worth it to not ruin your life?

Remember this though – reputable providers DO screen.  If you want to limit what personal information you give to the provider, use P411 or Date-Check.  The company has the information, and you choose what providers see.

Avoid CL/Backpage style sites
I personally say that in the US you should just avoid Craigslist and Backpage or ANY similar sites.  It’s not that all of the ladies on there are not legit/reputable, it’s that there can often be a lot of LE lurking around.  Being arrested is a good way to be caught by your wife when she has to come post bail.

DO NOT PLAY WITHOUT PAYING
Do not sleep with girls you are not paying.  Why, you may ask?  It’s simple.  A girl you are paying is more than likely making her living that way.  She has as much to lose as you do if the two of you are exposed.  She is doing something that by the letter of the law can be percieved as illegal.  She faces a criminal record, fines, and potential jail time.  Women you’re paying aren’t likely to ruin their lives just to expose you to your wife.  Women you get for free are more likely to blackmail you since the only personal gain they’re getting is orgasms.  This is especially true if you make 6 figures and up and the woman knows it.

Now go out there, have fun, and don’t get caught

I saw this as a good opportunity to write a post on the differences between courtesans and escorts.  While they are part of the same field, they are not the same.  You could liken this to a surgeon not being the same as an obstetrician.  They are both doctors, but they specialise in different aspects of their field.

Let me start by saying that one is not better than the other.  The two are different and it really just comes down to “Different strokes for different folks”.

Fundamental Differences
An escort will often greet a client with a kiss, and some minor chit chat will ensue.  Normally, it won’t be much and they will get right down to business.  This chat may even occur while the client undresses, sets down his donation, and moves to the bed.  There will be some superficial connection, but what it comes down to is a the client being happy with what he sees.  Usually not much on the personal level.  An escort will focus on physically pleasuring the client ot his hearts content.

Afterward, there will usually be a bit more conversation leading up to either another shot or the end of the session.  Some do not stay the remainder of the duration.  The average booking is between 30 minutes and 2 hours.

Escorts are perfect for clients who:

• Is looking for a quickie
• Is looking for the fantasy situation of showing up, fucking, and leaving
• Want absolute “no strings attached” sex where emotions do not come into play at all
• Are hobbyists

Courtesans, on the other hand, tend to focus on the mind first and body later.  A courtesan may have wine, sparkling water, or even a fruit tray available to share at the beginning of the appointment.  Often the first portion of the appointment is spent talking – usually about his life (without going into TOO much detail of course), her past/background/education, current events, politics, or anything else that may come up.  Courtesans more often than not hold a degree, or are in the end stages working on one.¹  Many clients who hire courtesans will talk to them about their life and problems, hoping for the point of view of an uninvolved party.  Or even just an ear to listen, or shoulder to cry on.

When the courtesan feels a good connection has formed, she will progress the visit into the bedroom.  Afterwards, there’s usually a continuation of an earlier conversation and perhaps more activities if the mood is right.  Courtesans focus on both mental and physical stimulation under the belief that a psychological release can lead to a better physical one.  Also they feel the more comfortable the client is, the more open he can be behind closed doors enabling him to act out all of his deepest fantasies.

Courtesans are perfect for clients who:

• Desire a connection before intercourse
• Want to spend a longer period of time with the courtesan
• Need someone to talk to, whether on a casual level or deeper one
• Also subscribe to the belief that an emotional release first makes the physical release better

Price and Time Differences
While many escorts will offer half hour bookings, the average courtesan starts around 1 or 2 hours.

The reason for this isn’t because the courtesan wants more money, or is greedy – but because you cannot make the desired connection in 30 minutes AND allow time for the physical release.  You would use up the vast majority of the time (if not all of it) outside of the bedroom making the connection.

This does mean if you wish to see a courtesan, you will need more time and money.  There is an upside to this though.  Most escorts will allow you to book 30 min-4 hours, however the rates will simply be the 1 hour rate multiplied by the amount of hours, with the exception of 30 minutes (which usually is 2/3 the 1 hour rate).  Courtesans will often offer multi-hour discount.  I’ll use my own rates as an example.

My rate table when I was an escort:
$200/30 minutes
$250/1 hour
$375/1.5 hours
$500/2 hours
$750/3 hours
$1000/4 hours

My rate table as a courtesan:
$300/45 minutes (available for regulars only)
$350/1 hour
$500/1.5 hours
$650/2 hours
$900/3 hours
$1200/4 hours

As a courtesan, clients who book longer sessions are more often than not looking for the companionship aspect which is something I am more than happy to provide for hours at a time with a bit of fun mixed in.  With escorting, it’s a lot more physically demanding which is why I did not offer the same discounts.

I can see why the client who wrote that review was bothered.  Unfortunately the true differences between what escorts and courtesans are really aren’t that well known.  Most people probably just think “courtesan” is a good way to slap a higher price tag on the same product.  Unfortunately, as this client found out, that is not the case at all.  I say “unfortunately” because the client ended up unsatisfied, which is something that both escorts and courtesans would see as unfortunate.

In the end we’re all in the business of pleasure and satisfaction, and we’re all disappointed in ourselves when we don’t give it.

1. This does not mean escorts do not or cannot have degrees.  Many do!  And many are brilliant women.  What I’m simply saying is that a solid education is a requirement of being a courtesan due to the clientele you draw

Alexa states: The average client for most escorts (in the US) is a white male, in his mid-40s, and rather vanilla in his preferences.

I would agree with this. The average client is white, middle aged, and just looking for “normal” things like oral sex and multiple positions. Maybe anal if he’s feeling adventurous.

My average client age is all over the place. I cater to quite a few gentleman over 60. About 1/2 of them are widows or their wives are no longer physically able to be with them. Many of these men are just looking for companionship, cuddling, and just playing around. Though I will say this, there are some older clients that put guys my age¹ to absolute shame.

My youngest client was 23. He was new in town, worked 12-16 hours a day, and didn’t want to deal with the BS of dating. He figured paid companionship was the way to go.

I’d say if I had to put it in order, my average clients are usually 50-60, 40-50, 20-30, and 30-40.

I enjoy men from all walks, including hobbyists². I like impressing them quite a bit, and I have found them (for the most part) to be quite good. I do not have a review policy³ so hobbyists are fine by me. A lot of providers really don’t like them, and I can absolutely see why. Many of them think that providers are not equal to people, and they certainly don’t see them as in the customer service industry. They think they can barter, haggle, and publicly complain about prices. If you can screen out that type, hobbyists can be REALLY fun.

In terms of race, the majority of my clients are white. I have many Asian clients, and when in Canada a sprinkling of East Indians. I have had one black client, but no Hispanics as of yet. Most of my clients are from the US, Canada, or Ireland. I’m not sure why Ireland, but I’m guessing it has to do with me being a redhead.

In terms of profession I see a lot of “businessmen” (Owners, CEOs, and VPs mostly). I also see a decent amount of “professionals” (doctors, lawyers). And for whatever reason, I draw a lot of interest from men that work in IT. Namely programmers and game designers. I think this has to do with me enjoying Linux.

Unlike most, I do not focus on building a steady supply of regulars. I do have a fair amount of repeat business, but I’d say it only makes up about 1/3 of my business. The main reason for this is that the vast majority of my clients are only passing through the area either for some sort of music festival/concert/event or on business. I think that is mostly due to my location. When I was in Vancouver, I did have a steady supply of regulars.

My clients are, for the most part, married. Many openly wear their ring, but never talk about their marriages. Some don’t have rings, but talk about their wives and children openly. I do have a fair amount of single clients too, mostly my under 30 crowd. As I mentioned earlier, I also see a fair amount of widowers.

I’d say about half my clients are “vanilla”. The other half fall into two groups: Those who want backdoor play, and those who want to do Greek on me. I’ve noticed a much larger group of people who enjoy things like prostate massage down here in the Bible Belt where it’s more taboo to ask your partner for such things. I’m not sure location has anything to do with it, but if it did I certainly wouldn’t be surprised.

I have never had a client ask for BBFS, and would ask them to leave if they did. I’ve done CBJ and BBBJ. I make sure to get tested quite often completely with a throat swab.

So why is my client pool different than say, Rebecca’s, Alexa’s, or Rachael’s??

The difference in visit lengths is part of it. Alexa prefers 2 hours, Rebecca prefers overnights. I’m a big fan of the gentleman’s hour⁴ and 3-4 hour visits. Much like every lady has a time preference, so does every client.

How and where I advertise is an attributing factor too. I have a banner running on TBD⁵, a weekly ad on TER⁶, SouthernGFE, and OAD⁷. Why so many places? Well, when I am in Canada I advertise on EROS, PERB⁸, and CERF⁹. I get a lot of my business in Canada via word of mouth and referrals. Down here in Nashville I don’t have the luxury of referrals as I’m new to the area. So advertising is the way to go until I build a solid reputation¹⁰.

Alexa made a wonderful point in her post. She mentioned that aside from a few small details, her clients aren’t much different than the clients of other women in the high end of the industry. I would have to agree. I would imagine that most women in my price point have the same types of clientele. The exception is my “non-vanilla” clients. Most of them admit they do not ask other providers for these things, but that my reviews + how open minded I seem in person lead them to ask me. I guess there’s just something about redheads, eh?

1. 25
2. also known as pooners, punters
3. other than “please link it to me”
4. 90 minutes
5. a national review board
6. another national review board
7. OpenAdultDirectory
8. local review board
9. another local board
10. I’m actually doing quite well on that and am very happy

I was presented with this opportunity recently, however not with a woman. I have always provided and enjoyed ass play, prostate massage, even pegging² but never fisting.

I shied away from the request at first, agreeing to anal play. But he insist more, more. See what I could fit. Before I knew it, my hand had disappeared and my wrist was part way in. He asked how much more I could put in when I informed him that I was in to the wrist. He did not believe me. He reached down to feel my hand, and his jaw dropped open when he found what I was saying is true.

Afterward, we talked about it a bit. He was surprised because while I was in there he said it did not feel like an entire fist at all. He also said it gave him the hardest erection of his life, but after I removed my fist he went completely limp³. It wasn’t what either of us had been expecting but in different ways.

I wasn’t disappointed with the experience, but I don’t know if it was as awe striking as I thought it would be. I did enjoy it, but it was a bit underwhelming. I attribute this mostly to the fact it was anal fisting, I think that I would have found it equally underwhelming if it was a woman’s ass. It made me realise that the majority of my fascination was being inside of a woman’s vagina.

Which I will do one day…any volunteers?

1. Not in a sexual way
2. using a strap-on to perform anal sex on a man
3. not for a lack of arousal, believe you me

They are all filthy rich
Generally when you see men in the media who’ve been caught with escorts, they are well off. While many of the clients I see are in “white collar jobs”¹, there’s also a good number of “blue collar workers”² that see me as well. The ONLY difference is that one group saves up to see me, and the other group is fortunate enough to have more disposable income.

Can a man with more disposable income occasionally indulge more? Yes. But this is actually pretty rare. All of my clients, regardless of financial status, see me around the same amount.

They are “creepy old men”
My client base ranges from 20 to 75. Most clients are between 30-55, with the average client being around 43-47. Hardly “creepy old men”, at least in my opinion. I have seen several older clients (65+), and really enjoy my time with them. I’ve not had a single client that fits the “creepy old man” stereotype. I’m sure there are “creepy old men” who see escorts, and I may even encounter one, but are they the norm? Hardly.

There must be something wrong for them to pay for sex
Is there something wrong with you because you pay someone to colour your hair? Is there something wrong with you because you get Roto-Rooter to fix your toilet instead of DIY? I don’t think so. I am of the mindset that if you want something done right, you’re better off hiring a professional than taking a gamble with an amateur.

When it comes down to it, hiring an escort is cheaper than going barhopping. Not only is it cheaper, it’s as close to a guarantee as you’re going to get. Not to mention the girl is likely to be more sober than one you pick up in a bar.

When selecting an escort, you can choose someone who fits your aesthetic preferences. You can read reviews and get a preview of whether or not you’ll be getting the most bang for your buck³. There’s also the advantage of the drama-free encounter, not having to call someone the next morning, and a true no strings attached encounter.

In short, hiring a professional is not done because there’s something wrong with the client. The average client merely wants a professional experience with no drama.

They are sleazy womanisers, and/or misogynists
Quite the opposite actually. The average client enjoys the female body almost to the point of worship. I have found my clients to be the biggest sweethearts in the world. Generally those who hate women do not pay them hundreds of dollars for their company.

They are sexually inept
No more than the average man. I’ve had clients that were amazing lovers, clients that were poor lovers, and clients that wanted to have lessons in becoming better lovers.

What I have found is that my clients are more into the idea of pleasing me first and them second. Moreso than the average man. If anything, I’d say that fact alone makes them a better lover whether or not their sexual skills are top notch.

They are socially inept
Also not true. I’ve had shy, awkward clients but again – no more than in everyday life. The majority of my clients are very talkative and outgoing. It’s not that they can’t get a woman, or are too awkward around them. Most just don’t want the drama of unpaid companionship.

1. I really hate the labels white and blue collar
2. I really hate the labels white and blue collar
3. pun intended

9am: I wake up and check my email for questions or Reservation Requests. I answer a few questions, book a potential appointment, and decide to get some more sleep. I had not gotten to bed until close to 4. I know that I have a multi-hour booking at 6pm and I need to be well rested.

Around noon: I get up, have some frosted mini-wheats and start my day. I watch a little Law and Order while sifting through and answering the emails and reservation requests that have filled my inbox. Since I’m currently “on tour” I have more than usual to sort through, mostly questions.

1:30pm: I’ve finally finished going through all of my emails and head over to the local boards back home to check PMs, bump advertisement threads, and post in topics of interest. I also post on local boards for where I’m touring.

2:30pm: I head out to pick up sparkling white wine for the appointment. I don’t always bring wine, but it had been discussed and I said I’d bring some. I saw a nice bouquet of a few red roses while I was out and purchased those as well.

3:00pm: I take a luxuriously long shower, and relax naked for a bit. After that I plug in my hair straightener, do my makeup (including makeup to downplay my recent surgery scar), and straighten my hair. I put on deodorant and hang out naked for awhile with moisturiser on my skin.

4:00pm: I write down directions to the location on a napkin, along with the client’s name and number. The reason I use a napkin is because it’s easily flushed after the appointment.

4:30pm: I get dressed, pack my purse with supplies, and head out. I know where the location is, and find it with ease. I park in a location about a block from where I need to be and walk over.

6pm – 10pm: I complete the appointment. In the interest of discretion you get no details except I had a lovely time.

10pm: Feeling invigorated, happy, fulfilled, and pleased I say goodbye to the client and start to walk back towards my car. The night is so nice however, I stop and sit outside at a Starbucks. I enjoy a cold drink (chocolate milk!), grab legitimately free wifi (as opposed to stealing wifi!) and make this twitter post before going back to my car (for real this time) and heading back to where I’m staying.

Around midnight: I had a craving for Wendy’s chili, but ended up going with a cheese footlong from subway instead. That is, a wheat footlong with American, Provolone, and oil. Or as they say down here, ool.

1am-3am: Enjoyment of the sandwich and Law and Order. Content with the day, the appointment, and the weather, I go to bed relaxed and happy.

One of the most common questions I get is, “What about your client’s wives?” It’s a very open ended question, isn’t it? What about my clients wives? Well, what about them? Are they blonde, brunette, skinny, fat, nice, mean? No, that’s not what they’re asking, and I know that. They’re talking about the elephant in the room – the fact that these men are married to other women. The thing that is always there, but rarely spoken about.

Sure, there are some businessmen who don’t want a long term relationship or a marriage. White picket fence, wife who won’t even give head, and kids they don’t want. Losing half of a fortune they worked very hard to build doesn’t really strike their fancy. But they’re the minority. The fact of the matter is that yes, most of my clients are married. Some happily, some ambivalently, some miserably.

Some are in happy relationships that have bad sex lives. The wives don’t know or realise this. They think everything is fine and have no idea what the husband is really doing on his lunch break. Some are in happy polyamorous marriages where the wives support or even pay for the providers.  There’s also a percentage that are in happy loving relationships, but due to some sort of physical problem (on her end) there is no sex.

Some are in those relationships of routine. They don’t love their wife, but they don’t hate her either. They get along fine, it’s comfortable enough, and usually “stay together for the kids”. She’s probably fucking someone else, and she probably doesn’t care what he does.

Then there are those who are utterly miserable. And you can really tell which clients those are, they have an air about them. These men seem to feel trapped, sad, lonely. You name it. Some of them love their wives, but the wives no longer love them. Some hate their wives but don’t want to lose everything in a divorce. They don’t want these women to hold their kids hostage as bargaining chips for more money. They want to be around those kids and raise them. These are the men I feel the most sorry for. The men trapped out of fear of loss.

Most of the men don’t talk about their wives, they want to forget about her for a few hours. They wear wedding rings, but a word is never uttered about her. Then there are some who talk lightly about her in a positive manner. Then there are those who vent endlessly. I like to listen. Not because I’m a gossip, but because that’s what I’m there for. If it makes them feel better, I want to do it. My services extend well beyond sexual healing, but emotional, and spiritual as well.

I don’t feel bad about contributing to their adultery. Not one bit. They’re adults who have the freedom to make their own decisions. To weigh the consequences versus the benefits and choose for themselves. I believe in free will and the pursuit of happiness. And if they aren’t happy with their lives, then by all means they should seek out something that does make them happy. And for some, that’s a provider. I don’t see anything wrong with it. They are human beings with the right to choose and it is not my place to judge them for their decisions.

A hobbyist is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a men who sees providers, as a hobby. Another term for this is pooning. And men who poon are pooners.   Some hate this term, some embrace it.  Personally I prefer the term “hobbyist” to “pooner”.

A lot of providers won’t see hobbyists. They say it makes them feel cheap, it cheapens what they do and provide, the ridicule they receive from the hobbyists on message boards and review sites isn’t worth the money.

Are there some hobbyists that shit all over women for every little flaw, who criticise them on message boards, who degrade them as human beings? Yes. It takes very little searching to find discussion that would sicken you. The way they talk about these women can be horrifying.

But that’s not all hobbyists! Not even close!

The average hobbyist, in my personal experience, is the average guy. They have good hygiene, they make good small talk. They’re there to get down to business, to get what they want how they like it. At the end, they shower, dress, and leave. No ifs, ands, or buts. Clean cut, fun, non-rushed time. I’d liken it to an NSA arrangement with someone you meet at a bar – except without the inebriation and awkwardness.

And I like this, I’m not at all opposed to the get down to business approach. I’m a fan of the afternoon quickie as much as they are. And I’m okay with what may be said on boards or review sites later. I go into the session knowing that, and I am not afraid of what they’ll say.  Not one bit. I am more than happy to see hobbyists. I absolutely LOVE to the point encounters some days.  If I’m not in the mood, I simply won’t schedule it.

My clients are people just like you and me. Some of them are shy, some of them are socially inept, some of them don’t want the hassle of a relationship, some of them are too afraid to invest themselves in a relationship, some of them don’t have the time and feel it isn’t fair to toy with another person’s heart, some just don’t even want a relationship, and some are just looking for an amazing sexual encounter and don’t want to gamble with drama from a random girl.

The one thing they all have in common is that they  crave human touch, whether it’s in the form of low down dirty sex with hair pulling or gentle sex with soft touching and kissing. And I don’t see anything wrong with that, I think the desire for sexual contact is completely normal.

And when you don’t want to or feel you aren’t capable of a relationship what would you rather do? Go pick up a random drunk girl in a bar, waste money on her drinks, compliment her when you don’t even mean it and get mediocre sex where she just lays there or spend a comparable amount of money on a professional?

When I want something done right I go to a professional and get my money’s worth. I COULD change my own oil (yes, I know how) – but I don’t. I COULD (and have) cut my own hair (successfully) – but I don’t. Nor do I want to.

When it comes to escorts vs bar girls logic dictates you’re probably less likely to get an STD from a person who’s job depends on staying clean vs someone who is drunk with few inhibitions. This is not to say all drunk girls have STDs, I’m just thinking that the average girl you pick up completely smashed is less likely to care/think about condoms than someone who’s living depends on being disease free.

I personally hate the term johns. I don’t care when other workers use it, that’s their right. But I don’t see my clients as “johns”, I just see them as customers coming to a professional for a service.  We have a friendly casual business relationship much like the one you have with your mechanic, or hairdresser.  I don’t think my clients are any more pathetic than someone who eats out occasionally because they’re not good at cooking, or someone who gets an oil change at Jiffy Lube because it’s easier.