I asked the help of other providers, and as such I will be putting their banners at the bottom of this entry.  Make sure to click the more link to see some of extremely sexy ladies who helped make this guide possible.

DO:

• Be respectful on the phone or in emails.  A nice email that says more than “45, male, attractive, 6 foot, need appointment Sunday at 3″ goes a very long way.

  Introduce yourself, be polite as you would with anyone else you had never met.  Remember she is a person and would probably appreciate knowing more about you than your age and height before agreeing to meet you, a stranger.

• Read the provider’s website.  The night before your appointment give it another look over, so you know how and where she wants you to leave the donation and any other important ‘policies’ she may have.  If she has an etiquette page, give it a read as well.  It’s there to make things go smoothly for everyone involved.

  I’m not saying you have to sit there and memorise everything she’s ever said, but it’s written to make your appointment go smoothly.  The website is not only a marketing tool for the provider, but a tool for you to use to put yourself at ease.

• THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES! Call the provider from the car if you need any location details clarified.  Do not call in the lobby of the hotel, her building, or anywhere that you can be overheard. Most women are trying to maintain discretion, so you’ll want to have any kind of buzzer code (or directions to her hotel room) before you even walk inside so it looks like you know exactly where you’re going.

  Do not ever use her working name at the buzzer, do not ever use it at her door.  Providers generally want it to look like an old friend is coming to visit and so they need you need to be discreet.  Buzz up and say something simple.  I asked my visitors to buzz up and say “Hey it’s me,” and I would then buzz them up without replying (they would hear a beep as I pressed the entry button).

  I did not take questions at the buzzer, I did not speak.  If buzzer time comes and you have a question, walk away from the building (again, get in your car if possible) and call the lady’s private cell phone to ask.  Never talk to hotel staff, concierges or anyone around and never mention a woman’s working name outside of your car or her apartment/hotel room.  This is a good way to raise suspicion and stress out a lady.

• Make sure you know her restrictions and respect them.  EXAMPLE:  If she offers CBJ, do not ask for or expect BBBJ.  No matter what may have read in a review, it’s really just best to respect what you’ve seen on her site or ads no matter what rumours have surfaced.  Please remember sometimes reviews are done with a “check box” format and it’s very easy to check the WRONG box between CBJ and BBBJ without even noticing.

  You risk offending a lady by asking for a service she has never advertised providing.  Provider’s are not oversensitive – however there are a lot of assholes who try to ask/push for services that she does offer.  It can put a woman on the defensive, because it has to.  When someone tries to push for services you don’t offer, you go into “protective” mode to avoid being forced.  Do not risk ending up putting a lady on the defensive and being lumped in with those guys by making a simple mistake based on a review.

• Take a shower either before the appointment or at it if offered.  Beforehand, please trim your fingers and toenails.  Being scratching someone with ragged toenails/fingernails is a big turn off.  A good tip I’ve heard is to prepare for it as you would any other date where you think you are getting sex.

  Trimming or shaving (your preference) anything you expect a mouth to go on or around is a plus.  It’s can serve as a sign for providers that you want certain areas kissed/licked.  If you don’t at the very least trim, many providers will take it as a sign you aren’t interested in that particular act.
  
  Make sure that you trim/shave THE DAY BEFORE the appointment in case you cut yourself!!. The last thing you want (safety wise) is an open cut in your genital area before sex with ANY new partner. Day after stubble is much better than a cut!

• Following up with the last ‘tip’:  Ask for what you want, how you want it.  I don’t mean for you to bark orders, but if you aren’t clear about what you want you may end up disappointed.  Perhaps you have not trimmed or shaved the area between your testicles and anus¹ but would like a touch there.  Let her know! If you do not ask her for what you want and end up disappointed, do not write a negative review – that’s VERY unfair to her as she is not a mind reader. If you do not ask for what you want and end up disappointed it is NOT her fault.

  Along the same line, PLEASE tell the provider if it’s “not going to happen” for you.  Most will do whatever they can to make it happen and it goes a long way if a man says something and you two can discuss what else she can do for you in the time left.  Perhaps a massage would be nice, or just laying in bed talking.  But try to avoid frustrating you and her if the plumbing is not running well that day.

• Bring your own condoms JUST IN CASE.  Make sure they are in an UNOPENED BOX.  Be prepared and expect to use hers as there are men who tamper with them.  The exception to this would be if you are an irregular size or have allergies.  Then you should be prepared to use yours after inspection by the provider.  This is not a slight against your character, unfortunately there are many men before you who have fucked it up for all the good ones.
• Mention your allergies (if you have them).  Many ladies burn scented candles, burn incense, wear scented lotion, or have pets.  Some women also smoke.  It is in your best interest to ask these things if you’re affected by any of these types of things.  Providers do not want you to be miserable, sniffling, sneezing, or worse during an appointment.  Many are happy to do extra clean up or air out their apartments if it will help you be comfortable.

  I have a field on my form asking if you are scent sensitive so I can plan accordingly.  I often burn light incense, or candles/oils.  If you are scent sensitive I will air out my incall for an entire day before our visit and use unscented toiletries the day of.  We really do want you to be happy, you just have to let us know things like this!

• Clean up your residence or hotel room if having her over for an outcall.  Even if you just stick things in a closet, it’s the thought that counts.  This one works both ways.  You expect a lady to have a clean incall that smells nice without stacks of dishes…we expect the same.

DONT:

• Brush your teeth or floss within 30 minutes of your appointment.  It may tear the lining of your mouth increasing exposure to STIs.  Brush your teeth the morning of the appointment, avoid pungent foods, and use mouthwash or gum.

  If you do eat pungent foods such as garlic or onions before the appointment please just politely apologise in advance because no amount of mouthwash or gum will cover it up completely.  It’s better to say, “Hey I’m sorry I had some lasagna for lunch and didn’t even think of the garlic” than to surprise a woman with it later.

• Slather yourself in scent.  My rule is this:  If you want a tongue to touch it then cologne, aftershave, or deodorant should not be on it.  Not only can this taste awful, ingesting certain tolietries could cause stomach aches or worse for the lady.

  A touch of cologne behind the ears and on the wrists is fine, and deodorant on your underarms is great – but on your chest, testicles, or penis…nope!  I will say this though:  A little cologne in the ass crack itself is fine if you aren’t looking to receive DATO.

• Barter or say you are short of the donation and expect the appointment to still take place.  If a woman’s rates are non-negotiable, respect that.  If you decide to attempt to haggle despite knowing her donation is firm be prepared to be asked to leave.

  Some women do have negotiable rates.  This will be mentioned on her site or in an ad – negotiate how and when she wants to.  Some women also run specials or have discounts.  Do not try to ask for these things if they are expired or do not apply to you.For example, I run a military discount (10%).  I had a client who draft dodged (no joke) who tried to get it.  I was actually pretty upset.  Don’t do things like that and expect a lady to be impressed after.  I still completed the appointment and gave the best service I could, but I did deny his request for a repeat appointment.  I couldn’t get past the fact he wanted a military discount after draft dodging.

• Use her toilet for anything except peeing, no matter what.  Do it in the hotel lobby, do it in a nearby restaurant.  I do not care where you do it as long as it’s not her bathroom.

  While we’re at it – please do not pee in the shower.  We know when you do this and we have to clean our shower every time you do. It’s fine at home, I’m sure most people do it – but not in someone’s shower that they have to clean after each use.  I don’t want to clean up your pee

  On a similar note, don’t shave your body in the shower either for the same reason!

• Bring food, drink, or flowers UNLESS you’ve cleared it with her first or her website says it’s okay. I know these are typically nice surprises, but they are not always nice for those who cannot have them.  It may make her feel awkward if she needs to turn them down either due to allergies or a special diet (i.e. diabetes, celiac).

  This includes alcohol – many women do not drink with clients (even if the bottle is sealed) so clear it with her first if her website does not make it clear.On the flip side, many women LOVE these things so do not write off the idea of bringing them just because you can’t surprise her – just ASK!

• Bring up other escorts or forums.  This tends to turn into a gossip session, rather than casual conversation.  Likewise, if she starts gossiping about other escorts/forums then try to steer the conversation in another direction.

  Try not to talk negatively about other ladies if possible.  If a lady did something extremely unsafe in your presence (offered you BBFS for example, or you saw drug paraphernalia) or was non-discreet (called a number you said not to) this is the exception.It is FINE to inform providers of such things but gossip = bad.

• Ask a girl how many clients she has seen that day or if you’re the first client of the day. Even if her answer is what you’re wanting to hear, this isn’t really appropriate conversation material. While most girls are happy to talk about their start in the industry, many are not. Let them bring it up if they want to.

  Similarly, do not ask personal questions about her real life. She’ll volunteer information she wants to, but do not pry.  There’s a fine line between curiosity/”getting to know you” and being invasive.  You don’t have to tip toe or anything of the sort, just use common sense.This is another one that works both ways, if she starts to pry – simply steer the conversation elsewhere or tell her up front you are not comfortable with the questions.

• Ask for BBFS or BB Greek.  Even if it’s to “test her reaction”, don’t do it.  You may end up offending her, ruining a great session, and costing yourself a good reference in the future.Not to mention, you may scare her.  If you’re asking her – who else are you asking (likewise, if a lady offers you – who else is she offering?).  Saying it was a “test” is a horrible excuse.  I cannot describe the feeling of ice water through your veins when you hear the words “without a condom” in reference to vaginal or anal sex in this industry.If you ask this in an initial email (or phone call) – even to “test” her – you will ruin any rapport you had and really any chance you had of ever meeting the lady in real life.

  Anyone who mentions BBFS or BB Greek I may reply to…but only to say that I am saddened and horrified at the request, and that I cannot continue this conversation or meet them.

• Overstay your welcome.  What you book is what you get.  While most ladies will not be staring at the clock and are lenient, most will also not want to have to ask you to leave.  It is awkward, and can make a lady feel very uncomfortable.  You are in her space, please respect that.  Do not take advantage of a lady’s generosity.  You are buying time, do not try and get something for nothing.  If you want more time, book a longer visit.  I do not stare at the clock personally, nor do I deduct showers from your time (you get one before and after).  I find it very rude to not meet me halfway by being courteous and respecting my time.  I do have plans and a life outside of our visit and while my goal is to make you happy during our visit, it is not at the cost of my other plans.





• Use a BS excuse to cancel.  If you changed your mind, just tell her.  Treat her the way you want to be treated.  Don’t under explain, don’t over explain.
  
  
  Cancel early, if you decide against the visit.  Do not wait until the absolute last second.  Remember we often turn down other appointments at the same time for you – if you have to cancel and you do it early enough we may be able to make up the lost appointment.
  
  
  
  If you need to legitimately cancel and reschedule, let her know up front you want to reschedule for X date.  This will show you are serious and makes her more likely to book with you again.
  
  
  
  If the appointment was an incall and the lady works out of a hotel, dropping her an extra $50 might be nice because she had probably already booked the room.  Personally, when I worked out of hotels I booked through Hotwire when I confirmed an appointment.  If someone canceled after that, I was out money.  Usually between $45-$70 depending on what/where I had booked.

• Promise things you won’t or can’t deliver whether it’s another appointment, a review, or some kind of present/tip.Even though a review or another appointment sound minor, I get my hopes up for reviews I am promised.  I love feedback and I love to know what I’m doing right/wrong. When you don’t deliver, it does disappoint me.  I understand things come up and life gets busy so if you had the intent and then couldn’t follow through – fine.  I do understand that.  But if you have no intent in the first place, don’t promise.

  Same goes with another appointment.  I enjoy the vast majority of my time with visitors.  If you promise another appointment “soon” – I will generally be looking forward to hearing from you again.  If I don’t hear from you, sometimes I do grow concerned about you.  Again, things come up and if you can’t it’s fine – but if you have no intent in the first place why bother?

  You owe a provider nothing aside from the donation – there is no need to try and promise her the world.
  

Hopefully this has helped you whether you’ve done this a hundred times, or two.

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1. yes, I mean your taint

At first, I was going to password protect this post to men and providers but realised that if an angry wife found this blog and wanted to read this, it’s really not that hard to pretend to be a man.

So how do you see providers and not ruin your life?  It’s really not all that hard.  It requires thinking and being one step ahead.  Paranoia and guilt are the enemy.  If you feel paranoid or guilty, you might want to re-think whether or not this is something you really should be doing.

Throwaway Cell Phone
You can get these at Walmart, and they are not that expensive.  You put minutes on it when you want to hobby and the rest of the time just keep it hidden.  If at all possible, do not hide it in your house or car.  A suspicious woman will tear apart your home and car if she has the opportunity.  A throwaway cell phone is a good indicator you may be cheating.  Make sure voicemail is disabled and every single call or text is deleted.

I don’t recommend using your real phone if your wife has access to the bill.  She WILL see what numbers you called/texted and probably call one’s she doesn’t recognise to see if a woman answers.  While this sounds “out there”, just ask the next escort you see if she’s ever been called by a wife.  I know I’ve been called, emailed, and even PMed on a review board by irate wives.

Make a second (fake) email address
Do not use your primary email address, especially if you think your wife has your password.  Make a fake one somewhere.  Hushmail, Gmail, and Yahoo are all good places (though Yahoo tends to direct a lot of provider emails to your spam folder, so check it frequently).

Choose your username wisely.  Make it something related to you (i.e. golfman93203) but not sexual (i.e. swallowmyload6969).  If your wife DOES find your secondary account it’s better that it looks non-descriptive.  I personally prefer gmail due to the ability to archive active emails (which hides them from plain site) just in case anyone DOES get in.  However if your wife uses/knows gmail she will know exactly how and where to find them.  I recommend deleting ANY emails you do not NEED to be active.

On a similar subject, make sure the password is something your wife could never guess.  Don’t use anything even close to related to what your normal passwords are.  Honestly, I suggest the Strong Password Generator.  Make sure to check the email service you’re using allows special characters before generating the password.

Cover your tracks on the internet
Even if you have your own laptop/computer make sure to ALWAYS clear the history, cache, and cookies after each time you use the browser.  Certain browsers now have “privacy modes”.  Use these, they’re great!

Do not register for any industry related sites with anything your wife could recognise.  If your name is Jim B. Jacobson your TER username should probably not be jbjacobson.  But at the same time it shouldn’t be the same as your fake email address.  You want something generic and non-sexual.  Do not use your age or race in the username.  Whiteman44 is not a good username as your wife knows you are white and 44.  Try the Username Generator if you are stuck for something good.

Do not be stupid with phone numbers
Don’t keep numbers around with lady’s working names in your phone.  That’s asking for it.  Make sure the names are the names of men.  Pick something that starts with the same letter.  Missy becomes Mike, Harmony become Harold, Eva becomes Erik, etc al.

Keeping numbers of your short list is a good idea so you don’t have to constantly risk using the PC to get them, but only if your phone is well hidden.

Believable Cover Story
Exactly as it says, you need a GOOD cover story.  If you’re overweight saying you’re at the gym isn’t a good idea unless you are actively losing weight.  Your wife will notice you are not in any better shape and that your body hasn’t changed after about a month.  You have to come up with something realistic that will not arise suspicion.  The last thing you want is your wife calling where you’re supposed to be, only to find out you aren’t there.  So think long and hard about your cover story.

Take the time to research and only choose reputable providers
Check her site, check reviews, look for paid advertising.  Make sure the people who’ve reviewed her have a good review history.  Google her name, see what you find.  You may end up spending a bit more, as reputable providers with good reputations often have higher rates – but isn’t it worth it to not ruin your life?

Remember this though – reputable providers DO screen.  If you want to limit what personal information you give to the provider, use P411 or Date-Check.  The company has the information, and you choose what providers see.

Avoid CL/Backpage style sites
I personally say that in the US you should just avoid Craigslist and Backpage or ANY similar sites.  It’s not that all of the ladies on there are not legit/reputable, it’s that there can often be a lot of LE lurking around.  Being arrested is a good way to be caught by your wife when she has to come post bail.

DO NOT PLAY WITHOUT PAYING
Do not sleep with girls you are not paying.  Why, you may ask?  It’s simple.  A girl you are paying is more than likely making her living that way.  She has as much to lose as you do if the two of you are exposed.  She is doing something that by the letter of the law can be percieved as illegal.  She faces a criminal record, fines, and potential jail time.  Women you’re paying aren’t likely to ruin their lives just to expose you to your wife.  Women you get for free are more likely to blackmail you since the only personal gain they’re getting is orgasms.  This is especially true if you make 6 figures and up and the woman knows it.

Now go out there, have fun, and don’t get caught

I saw this as a good opportunity to write a post on the differences between courtesans and escorts.  While they are part of the same field, they are not the same.  You could liken this to a surgeon not being the same as an obstetrician.  They are both doctors, but they specialise in different aspects of their field.

Let me start by saying that one is not better than the other.  The two are different and it really just comes down to “Different strokes for different folks”.

Fundamental Differences
An escort will often greet a client with a kiss, and some minor chit chat will ensue.  Normally, it won’t be much and they will get right down to business.  This chat may even occur while the client undresses, sets down his donation, and moves to the bed.  There will be some superficial connection, but what it comes down to is a the client being happy with what he sees.  Usually not much on the personal level.  An escort will focus on physically pleasuring the client ot his hearts content.

Afterward, there will usually be a bit more conversation leading up to either another shot or the end of the session.  Some do not stay the remainder of the duration.  The average booking is between 30 minutes and 2 hours.

Escorts are perfect for clients who:

• Is looking for a quickie
• Is looking for the fantasy situation of showing up, fucking, and leaving
• Want absolute “no strings attached” sex where emotions do not come into play at all
• Are hobbyists

Courtesans, on the other hand, tend to focus on the mind first and body later.  A courtesan may have wine, sparkling water, or even a fruit tray available to share at the beginning of the appointment.  Often the first portion of the appointment is spent talking – usually about his life (without going into TOO much detail of course), her past/background/education, current events, politics, or anything else that may come up.  Courtesans more often than not hold a degree, or are in the end stages working on one.¹  Many clients who hire courtesans will talk to them about their life and problems, hoping for the point of view of an uninvolved party.  Or even just an ear to listen, or shoulder to cry on.

When the courtesan feels a good connection has formed, she will progress the visit into the bedroom.  Afterwards, there’s usually a continuation of an earlier conversation and perhaps more activities if the mood is right.  Courtesans focus on both mental and physical stimulation under the belief that a psychological release can lead to a better physical one.  Also they feel the more comfortable the client is, the more open he can be behind closed doors enabling him to act out all of his deepest fantasies.

Courtesans are perfect for clients who:

• Desire a connection before intercourse
• Want to spend a longer period of time with the courtesan
• Need someone to talk to, whether on a casual level or deeper one
• Also subscribe to the belief that an emotional release first makes the physical release better

Price and Time Differences
While many escorts will offer half hour bookings, the average courtesan starts around 1 or 2 hours.

The reason for this isn’t because the courtesan wants more money, or is greedy – but because you cannot make the desired connection in 30 minutes AND allow time for the physical release.  You would use up the vast majority of the time (if not all of it) outside of the bedroom making the connection.

This does mean if you wish to see a courtesan, you will need more time and money.  There is an upside to this though.  Most escorts will allow you to book 30 min-4 hours, however the rates will simply be the 1 hour rate multiplied by the amount of hours, with the exception of 30 minutes (which usually is 2/3 the 1 hour rate).  Courtesans will often offer multi-hour discount.  I’ll use my own rates as an example.

My rate table when I was an escort:
$200/30 minutes
$250/1 hour
$375/1.5 hours
$500/2 hours
$750/3 hours
$1000/4 hours

My rate table as a courtesan:
$300/45 minutes (available for regulars only)
$350/1 hour
$500/1.5 hours
$650/2 hours
$900/3 hours
$1200/4 hours

As a courtesan, clients who book longer sessions are more often than not looking for the companionship aspect which is something I am more than happy to provide for hours at a time with a bit of fun mixed in.  With escorting, it’s a lot more physically demanding which is why I did not offer the same discounts.

I can see why the client who wrote that review was bothered.  Unfortunately the true differences between what escorts and courtesans are really aren’t that well known.  Most people probably just think “courtesan” is a good way to slap a higher price tag on the same product.  Unfortunately, as this client found out, that is not the case at all.  I say “unfortunately” because the client ended up unsatisfied, which is something that both escorts and courtesans would see as unfortunate.

In the end we’re all in the business of pleasure and satisfaction, and we’re all disappointed in ourselves when we don’t give it.

1. This does not mean escorts do not or cannot have degrees.  Many do!  And many are brilliant women.  What I’m simply saying is that a solid education is a requirement of being a courtesan due to the clientele you draw

4.  Not paying taxes carries some pretty harsh penalties
Morality aside, do you REALLY want to pay fines, penalties, have a felony conviction on your record, and possibly go to jail over it?

Assuming you are a single person with no dependents and you make 85,000/year you owe about 14,000.  Yes, it’s a nice chunk of change…but if you don’t pay that 14,000 do you know what can happen to you?  From here:

– Late Filing Penalties
If you owe tax and don’t file on time, according to IRS regulations, penalties are assessed and added to your bill. Penalties are in addition to BOTH the tax due and the interest on the past due tax. The total late–filing penalty is usually 5% of the tax owed for each month, or part of a month, that your return is late up to five months (25%).If your return is over 60 days late, the minimum penalty for late filing is the smaller of $100 or 100 percent of the tax owed.
– Late Payment Penalties

Generally, interest is charged on any unpaid tax from the due date of the return until the date of payment. The interest rate on unpaid Federal tax is determined and posted every three months. It is the federal short–term interest rate plus 3 percent. Interest is compounded daily.

But that’s not all.  In addition to this, there are fines and potential jail sentences if you are caught.  They will audit you and tear your finances apart until they are satisfied.  The penalties are similar in Canada, albeit a little less cutthroat.

3.  The IRS is not someone you want in your life

If there is one thing the tragedy of Joseph Stack has proven, it’s that you really don’t want the IRS in your business day after day, year after year.  While his case was extreme, it does happen.  If you fall victim to a random audit and you haven’t been paying your taxes, for lack of a better term you’re fucked.  Revenue Canada is no better.  They will hound you until they get what you owe.

2.  Not paying taxes is stealing from your local area
This goes double if you live in a country such as Canada, where your taxes actually go to social programs.  When you don’t pay your taxes, you are depriving important services (such as fire and police) funding.  You are stealing from schools, parks, roads, and in certain cases (i.e. Canada) health care.

1.  You use the things taxes pay for every day of your life
The things listed in #2 are things most people use on a regular basis.  You count on the police to keep you safe, firefighters to put out your house if it goes up.  You drive on roads, you visit parks, you went to school.  Why on earth should everyone pay for that except you?  You are not above paying for this. This is especially true, once again, in Canada where your healthcare is paid for by taxes.  When you do not pay your taxes, the healthcare system suffers. 

What makes you feel so entitled that you should get something for nothing when everyone else has to pay?

This is from a post on a local Vancouver message board. It was a reply to a review about an SP who seemed bored and would not look at her clients during the act. You know, I’m not stupid (I promise). I realise that my chosen career path is quite misunderstood by society. Not only is it misunderstood, it is frowned upon, joked about, and stereotyped to hell and back.

But I will not accept it. My job is far from the “lowest profession”. In fact, I love my job and you’re just going to have to realise that. Maybe one day you’ll understand, or even accept it.

(Ooh, now I’m all giddy from my overuse of bold and italics!)

Posts like the one up above are somewhat common on the Canadian hobbyists forums. Due to the legality, you can get away with saying a lot more. It’s a double edged sword. I love the freedom of being able to openly discuss and explain all aspects of it, but at the same time I really hate seeing things like that.

Now I’m not saying I want my cake and the ability to eat it too, not at all. I don’t think the providers should get to be open and honest and the men should have to keep to themselves. That’s ridiculous. What I am saying is that it would be nice to have the very people patronising us¹, using our services, benefiting from the profession not sitting there shit talking what we do. What on Earth would make you think I would want to spend time with you after reading that? Or because I’m the lowest thing on Earth I must also be so broke I can’t even choose who I spend time with? Fuck. That.

This viewpoint is not limited to hobbyists, or even men. Women say it too, just as much if not more. It seems there are two types of women who subscribe to this point of view. Former providers, and those who think they’re feminists but really aren’t². From what I’ve seen, former providers who say this type of stuff have either been scorned in the industry by a traumatic event, or are bitter they left the industry for whatever reason. The wannabe feminists, well that’s self explanatory. But back on topic…

I will say this here and now: I do not think that there is such a thing as a lowest profession. I think there is a job and a place in this world for everyone. People ask me, well if your job isn’t degrading/low what is? I shrug, because honestly…I never know how to answer that.

I feel bad for the woman who scrubs my feet and trims my toenails. I feel bad for the woman who has to comb through my hair when I get it coloured or ironed out³. But I don’t think their job is “low” or “degrading” in any fashion. The women and men I patronise⁴ for services enjoy their jobs, or at least do a damn good job of faking it. I believe in embracing and loving your craft. I try not to go to people who hate their job⁵, and I will not repeat a service with someone who was noticeably miserable. Passion for the job⁶ was a plus, but not necessary.

I am not much different than any other person who has found their niche, hones their craft, and is content with their life. I am not selling my body, you don’t get to keep me. You get some of my time. At the end of the day I go home with less time, more money, and 100% of my body. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!

The main difference in this case is privilege. I have a hell of a lot of it in this occupation, and I am both happy and thankful for this. You think I don’t love having the ability to pick and choose what jobs I do and when I work? Or having the financial freedom to pursue my passions, and philanthropic interests?⁷

Sometimes I wonder if this viewpoint is jealousy. On the female side there’s the misconception of tons of money with little work, the freedom, the sexual liberation. The misconception that we’re lone wolves who need nobody, have no husbands, no other jobs, no children, no responsibilities⁸.

It makes me shake my head to think of, as we are normal women with normal problems just like them. We have periods⁹, pimples, cramps, stress, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner drama, wrinkles, kids¹⁰, taxes, licensing fees, bills, diets, plastic surgery¹¹, weight problems, family issues, client issues, work drama, you name it. While it can be a nice lifestyle, it can also be hectic¹². Whether it seems like it or not, we put in as much work as a small business owner trying to build a brand. There is nothing more to be jealous of than any other female entrepreneur.

From the male side it’s a little more simple, as this viewpoint is seen with men and women in porn. We can have SEX for MONEY. This idea seems awesome to them. Guys that think this generally don’t think of the logistics – soreness, yeast infections, fatigue, performance anxiety¹³, the insecurities about our bodies¹⁴. Guys that think this way also don’t realise how not fun porn can be for men as well¹⁵. They just hear “sex for money” and a well spun fantasy appears. The problem only comes when they refuse to acknowledge sex work is not all sparkles and orgasms like their fantasy world.

Well I have veered off topic quite a bit here, but I’m going to let it stand. Sometimes a stream of consciousness can be a decent read, and I hope this was one of them.

1. patronising as in being our customers not patronising as in being a condescending asshat
2. real feminists support women making their own choices and doing what they want whether it’s being a whore or a housewife…though, aren’t those 2 pretty close to the same thing
3. I have ethnic hair
4. again, use the services of
5. the exception of course is buying food/necessities – while there are some who love cashiering I know it’s the minority
6. namely, hair stylists
7. I love the fact I can run a December charity drive and donate to RAINN and Missing Kids without batting an eyelash. I grew up and lived hand to mouth for a very long time, so you better believe I’m thankful for EVERYTHING.
8. some of us are like that, but the vast majority are “normal” women
9. uh, those of us with uteri anyway – and yes I know uteri isn’t the real plural of uterus
10. if we have chosen to have them
11. if we choose to have it
12. When I say hectic I mean “juggling 6 things, they’re all on fire, and you’re standing on a bus” – points if you get the reference
13. yes, we have it…do you know how frustrating it can be not to get wet when aroused?
14. stretch marks, cellulite, bruises, freckles, dimples…you name it
15. Viagra, fluffers, numbness, performance anxiety, not lasting long enough, etc etc etc…

Alexa states: The average client for most escorts (in the US) is a white male, in his mid-40s, and rather vanilla in his preferences.

I would agree with this. The average client is white, middle aged, and just looking for “normal” things like oral sex and multiple positions. Maybe anal if he’s feeling adventurous.

My average client age is all over the place. I cater to quite a few gentleman over 60. About 1/2 of them are widows or their wives are no longer physically able to be with them. Many of these men are just looking for companionship, cuddling, and just playing around. Though I will say this, there are some older clients that put guys my age¹ to absolute shame.

My youngest client was 23. He was new in town, worked 12-16 hours a day, and didn’t want to deal with the BS of dating. He figured paid companionship was the way to go.

I’d say if I had to put it in order, my average clients are usually 50-60, 40-50, 20-30, and 30-40.

I enjoy men from all walks, including hobbyists². I like impressing them quite a bit, and I have found them (for the most part) to be quite good. I do not have a review policy³ so hobbyists are fine by me. A lot of providers really don’t like them, and I can absolutely see why. Many of them think that providers are not equal to people, and they certainly don’t see them as in the customer service industry. They think they can barter, haggle, and publicly complain about prices. If you can screen out that type, hobbyists can be REALLY fun.

In terms of race, the majority of my clients are white. I have many Asian clients, and when in Canada a sprinkling of East Indians. I have had one black client, but no Hispanics as of yet. Most of my clients are from the US, Canada, or Ireland. I’m not sure why Ireland, but I’m guessing it has to do with me being a redhead.

In terms of profession I see a lot of “businessmen” (Owners, CEOs, and VPs mostly). I also see a decent amount of “professionals” (doctors, lawyers). And for whatever reason, I draw a lot of interest from men that work in IT. Namely programmers and game designers. I think this has to do with me enjoying Linux.

Unlike most, I do not focus on building a steady supply of regulars. I do have a fair amount of repeat business, but I’d say it only makes up about 1/3 of my business. The main reason for this is that the vast majority of my clients are only passing through the area either for some sort of music festival/concert/event or on business. I think that is mostly due to my location. When I was in Vancouver, I did have a steady supply of regulars.

My clients are, for the most part, married. Many openly wear their ring, but never talk about their marriages. Some don’t have rings, but talk about their wives and children openly. I do have a fair amount of single clients too, mostly my under 30 crowd. As I mentioned earlier, I also see a fair amount of widowers.

I’d say about half my clients are “vanilla”. The other half fall into two groups: Those who want backdoor play, and those who want to do Greek on me. I’ve noticed a much larger group of people who enjoy things like prostate massage down here in the Bible Belt where it’s more taboo to ask your partner for such things. I’m not sure location has anything to do with it, but if it did I certainly wouldn’t be surprised.

I have never had a client ask for BBFS, and would ask them to leave if they did. I’ve done CBJ and BBBJ. I make sure to get tested quite often completely with a throat swab.

So why is my client pool different than say, Rebecca’s, Alexa’s, or Rachael’s??

The difference in visit lengths is part of it. Alexa prefers 2 hours, Rebecca prefers overnights. I’m a big fan of the gentleman’s hour⁴ and 3-4 hour visits. Much like every lady has a time preference, so does every client.

How and where I advertise is an attributing factor too. I have a banner running on TBD⁵, a weekly ad on TER⁶, SouthernGFE, and OAD⁷. Why so many places? Well, when I am in Canada I advertise on EROS, PERB⁸, and CERF⁹. I get a lot of my business in Canada via word of mouth and referrals. Down here in Nashville I don’t have the luxury of referrals as I’m new to the area. So advertising is the way to go until I build a solid reputation¹⁰.

Alexa made a wonderful point in her post. She mentioned that aside from a few small details, her clients aren’t much different than the clients of other women in the high end of the industry. I would have to agree. I would imagine that most women in my price point have the same types of clientele. The exception is my “non-vanilla” clients. Most of them admit they do not ask other providers for these things, but that my reviews + how open minded I seem in person lead them to ask me. I guess there’s just something about redheads, eh?

1. 25
2. also known as pooners, punters
3. other than “please link it to me”
4. 90 minutes
5. a national review board
6. another national review board
7. OpenAdultDirectory
8. local review board
9. another local board
10. I’m actually doing quite well on that and am very happy

I was presented with this opportunity recently, however not with a woman. I have always provided and enjoyed ass play, prostate massage, even pegging² but never fisting.

I shied away from the request at first, agreeing to anal play. But he insist more, more. See what I could fit. Before I knew it, my hand had disappeared and my wrist was part way in. He asked how much more I could put in when I informed him that I was in to the wrist. He did not believe me. He reached down to feel my hand, and his jaw dropped open when he found what I was saying is true.

Afterward, we talked about it a bit. He was surprised because while I was in there he said it did not feel like an entire fist at all. He also said it gave him the hardest erection of his life, but after I removed my fist he went completely limp³. It wasn’t what either of us had been expecting but in different ways.

I wasn’t disappointed with the experience, but I don’t know if it was as awe striking as I thought it would be. I did enjoy it, but it was a bit underwhelming. I attribute this mostly to the fact it was anal fisting, I think that I would have found it equally underwhelming if it was a woman’s ass. It made me realise that the majority of my fascination was being inside of a woman’s vagina.

Which I will do one day…any volunteers?

1. Not in a sexual way
2. using a strap-on to perform anal sex on a man
3. not for a lack of arousal, believe you me

This entry is extremely long, and extremely personal. Probably one of the most revealing things I’ve ever written about myself. If you can sit through the whole thing, I think you’ll see me in a completely different light.

There are tons of footnotes in this entry, mostly because I do not want to abuse parenthesis and brackets. You’ve been forewarned.

I am bisexual. I am not a “proud” bisexual, but I am bisexual. Before you start pelting me with rotted fruit or lit torches, let me explain why.

I do not believe that I was ever straight. Being bisexual is all I’ve ever known. And just like (most) straight people are not specifically proud of being straight, I am not specifically proud of being bisexual. It’s all I’ve ever known. I am no more proud of being bisexual than I am having freckles, or small hands. It’s just a part of who I am. And while I am proud of myself AS A WHOLE, I am not proud of individual aspects of my being. Much like I love having black eyes, I also love being bisexual. I just find proud to be the wrong adjective.

That being said…

Lets start at the beginning.

I was not exposed to other children when I was young. I was exposed to my grandparents, my mother, and my mother’s friends. My first experiences with other children came in elementary school. I started kindergarten at age 4², I could already read and write, and my vocabulary was at a “late second grade” level. The only reason I was not skipped to first grade was due to age.

As you can imagine, these factors made me socially awkward to say the least. I preferred the company of adults to children, and women to men. At 4, of course, I thought nothing of this. I latched onto females, and greatly ignored males. Some of my first crushes were on female friends of my mother.

That changed when I hit second grade. I have always had horrible handwriting.³. My teacher decided that a boy with beautiful handwriting would tutor me and my handwriting would improve⁴. The boy had cornsilk hair, crystal blue eyes, and a wide smile. And so marked my first “feelings” for a boy. I also faked being bad at math, since he was the best math student in my class. I did eventually get caught (as the teacher found it suspicious I went from an A in math to a D), and in a fair amount of trouble.

As I got older, I had more crushes on both sexes. I didn’t think anything of this until I was 8 or 9 and laying around in my room. I overheard my mother on the phone discussing sexuality. It was at this point I first heard the word “heterosexual”. And I thought it meant “lesbian”⁵ mostly because of the context it was used in. “Look, really it’s no one’s business that I’m heterosexual”.

It was the fear of my mom being a lesbian⁶ that took me to the library⁷ under the guise of wanting to read hardback Babysitters Club. I started reading up on human sexuality at my local library. And not only did I learn my mother was not a lesbian, I learned she held no attraction for women at all.

And the world fell out from underneath me, as it was at this point I realised that I was not “normal”. And that after reading what I had just read, I would never be normal. And I couldn’t pretend. One trait that I have always had is that I refuse to be something I’m not. I knew that day, that I would never pretend to be straight. And I never have.

I put my sexuality out of my mind for awhile, as other changes had started to occur. In the fourth grade, at the tender age of nine, I developed breasts. Not “Mom I need a training bra” breasts either, “Mom my tshirts are tight up top” breasts. At the time (early 1994), a girl going through any type of puberty was rare. My doctor was sure my period would start soon, and I would have my growth spurt.

My period, nor my sorry excuse for a growth spurt⁸ didn’t come for another 3 years, however. The only thing to make an appearance was my sex drive, the summer I was 10.

I was introduced to porn, by a male friend of mine⁹ who was 2 years older. Our mothers were best friends. He was spending the night once, and methodically searched for my mother’s boyfriend’s porn. We found 2 videos, and a whole lot of magazines.

Porn was a wonderful experience for me. I knew what sex, condoms, and all that were¹⁰ but I did not know the mechanics. Porn taught me where the penis went¹¹. At one point, while watching a video, my hand wandered south and I discovered my clitoral hood¹². About 10 minutes later I discovered orgasms. A few days after that, I discovered vibrating objects¹³. This discovery was a turning point in not only my sexual awakening, but my life.

I developed what I can only describe as an addiction to masturbation for the next few years. In the summer it was 10 or 11 times per day, to the point where I could have an orgasm on mental command while masturbating. I did not need any visual or mental stimuli. During school, it was several times from when I came home until I went to bed.

The summer I was 12, I discovered a porn novel. I can’t even call it Erotica. It was honestly a terrible book, and completely unbelievable but it did it for me.¹⁴. Both my mother and her boyfriend left for work around 3, I can still remember laying in bed on the warm days reading the book and mastubating non-stop through the whole novel and then starting again only stopping for dinner. I would put the book away around 12am before they returned home and masturbate to the thought of it.

Why is this relevant to my bisexuality? Because the thoughts I was masturbating to were all about the women. I would think about how they sounded, how they looked, how they felt, how they smelled, how they tasted. I would read the lines and imagine I was watching them. The male was completely irrelevant. To this day, I do not fantasize about men when I masturbate. I will mention that this does not apply to when I am having sex with a man, the man is COMPLETELY relevant then.

This went on for awhile, even after I lost my virginity in 9th grade (age 13). I masturbated thinking about women, but had feelings for boys. It was around then I started to question whether I was only sexually attracted to women, or if I could feel emotional towards them as well.

About a year or so later, bisexuality became trendy. Many bisexuals hated this trend. Me? I loved it. Yes, many of them were posers, but at that point I just wanted to be with a woman for the first time. I did not care if she regretted it the next day or was just experimenting.

That year I kissed my first girl, and someone took a photo of it. I hung the photo in my Catholic high school locker and the entire school knew within twenty minutes. I became known as the only bisexual in my school. Some people thought it was awesome, some were horrified, and some had already realised it (and didn’t care) when I hung pictures of Alicia Silverstone in my locker 2 years earlier. But this was it, this is when I truly came out. If I was asked I said yes, I liked girls.

The administration was not happy and demanded I take it down and I was “forbidden” from speaking of women. I told them when they took down pictures of boys kissing girls from lockers, I would remove my photo. When girls speaking of boyfriends in the hall were forbidden, I too would stop talking. While it was a Catholic school, they did hate when they got called on equality issues and the photo was allowed to stay the rest of my high school career. At this point I still had not had romantic feelings for a woman, merely sexual.

Bisexuality got less trendy, and there were no more girls to kiss for awhile. The timing was good, as I went through some hard times. My mother and her boyfriend split after ten years, we moved, I met new people, had my rebel phase, had uterine surgery, and then finished high school.

In 2002, a year out of high school, I met Isabelle¹⁵. I don’t know what there is to say about Isabelle other than she was wonderful. I didn’t know what to do with my hands when I was around her, I was completely nervous. I bought her a pair of purple Janis Joplin style glasses, that to this day, I can still close my eyes and see her in. Isabelle had an off/on girlfriend so I knew it would never work in the long run. But I enjoyed her while I could. We had something so minor I don’t even know that it would qualify as a fling, but it meant the world to me. We had sex¹⁶ and it was pretty intimate. For me, sex with a woman isn’t about orgasms or penetration, but it’s an emotional experience. While orgasms can and do occur, they aren’t important. The whole experience was more erotic than emotional, and I still questioned whether or not I was capable of loving a woman or just lusting for one. I got tingly with Isabelle but nothing I could describe as love or even “really really like”.

After Isabelle, I had a long (voluntary) dry spell with women. It was in early 2007 I met Ella¹⁷. I met Ella on a lesbian/bisexual personals site. I felt something draw me towards her. She was beautiful and her profile was nice, but it wasn’t just that. I could not explain this incredible pull I felt. So I paid $9 for a subscription, and got her email address.

Ella and I emailed back and forth off and on for several months, as she was a) shy b) extremely busy with university c) dating a guy. She was a photographer, also taking some Fine Arts courses. And there was just something about her. I held out hope she would eventually have time to meet me. And one morning, when I was up uncharacteristically early, she did. She had broken up with her boyfriend recently and I knew it was time to act. I convinced her to skip class and meet me by promising to buy her waffles at Waffle House. And so we met at Waffle House, and I ate 2 chocolate chip waffles with her¹⁸. We hung out the entire day, to the point where she was late meeting her mom for dinner. We talked more frequently after that, started spending 1-2 days a week together. It wasn’t easy, as we lived about an hour apart and both had commitments, but we made it work. I liked her, a lot.

I knew that I was falling for her the first time we kissed. I was spending the night (as a friend, her parents did not know she was bisexual) and neither of us could make a move. Eventually though, when all the lights were off and we were both drowsy, it happened. And I felt beautiful, and understood. We spent a lot more time together after that night, and soon after we were intimate. I don’t know that there was ever a time in my life where I was that happy.

Unfortunately, the relationship was ill fated due to her not being out, and her parents expecting her to date men. They were getting suspicious of how much time we spent together. It worked out for the best, as I had ended up needing to relocate cross country shortly after our break-up.

Before my relationship with Ella I had identified to people (when asked) as bisexual with a preference for men. I would then elaborate saying that I had sexual feelings towards women but both sexual and romantic towards men. Turns out, I just hadn’t found the right woman to feel romantically about aside from minor crushes as a child.

Ever since Ella, I am 100% confident identifying as bisexual. Just turns out I’m very picky about the women I fall for.

1. I got that term from a book about 15 years ago, started using it, but I’ll be damned if I can remember what book it was
2. Everyone else was already 5, or turning 6.
3. To this day, my handwriting is not what you’d consider “feminine” or “good”. I have unique, distinctive handwriting that I like but I will not wax poetic about how that’s more important than readable
4. it didn’t
5. While I had heard gay, straight, queer, lesbian, and dyke I had never heard the terms hetero, homo or bisexual.
6. she was in a long term relationship with a man and my fear mostly stemmed from not wanting them to break up
7. At this point, Internet was not really in homes yet. AOL 2.5 didn’t come for another 4 years
8. I went from 5′1” to 5′3” and then slowly made it to 5′5” over the rest of high school
9. who I happened to have a crush on
10. I learned “where babies come from” at 6, and about STD, the pill, etc around 10
11. I hadn’t really discovered my own vaginal opening at that point
12. I never really discovered my glans clitoris and to this day I do not like when it is touched. Hood stimulation only please!
13. In the form of the Squiggle Wiggle which to this day I will still maintain can be one of the most intense clitoral vibrators
14. The book was called Her Sister’s Husband and to this day, I still use the scenarios in that book to masturbate. I would love to get my hands on a copy. I also discovered a book called Helen’s Insecurities that I remember, but do not use as “material” anymore.
15. not her real name, for obvious reasons
16. I have not had the urge to engage in penetration or oral sex with females, there are other ways to have sex and I and my female partners have been happy with it so far
17. again, not her real name
18. Strangely enough, I just found the shirt I wore to meet her yesterday afternoon

They are all filthy rich
Generally when you see men in the media who’ve been caught with escorts, they are well off. While many of the clients I see are in “white collar jobs”¹, there’s also a good number of “blue collar workers”² that see me as well. The ONLY difference is that one group saves up to see me, and the other group is fortunate enough to have more disposable income.

Can a man with more disposable income occasionally indulge more? Yes. But this is actually pretty rare. All of my clients, regardless of financial status, see me around the same amount.

They are “creepy old men”
My client base ranges from 20 to 75. Most clients are between 30-55, with the average client being around 43-47. Hardly “creepy old men”, at least in my opinion. I have seen several older clients (65+), and really enjoy my time with them. I’ve not had a single client that fits the “creepy old man” stereotype. I’m sure there are “creepy old men” who see escorts, and I may even encounter one, but are they the norm? Hardly.

There must be something wrong for them to pay for sex
Is there something wrong with you because you pay someone to colour your hair? Is there something wrong with you because you get Roto-Rooter to fix your toilet instead of DIY? I don’t think so. I am of the mindset that if you want something done right, you’re better off hiring a professional than taking a gamble with an amateur.

When it comes down to it, hiring an escort is cheaper than going barhopping. Not only is it cheaper, it’s as close to a guarantee as you’re going to get. Not to mention the girl is likely to be more sober than one you pick up in a bar.

When selecting an escort, you can choose someone who fits your aesthetic preferences. You can read reviews and get a preview of whether or not you’ll be getting the most bang for your buck³. There’s also the advantage of the drama-free encounter, not having to call someone the next morning, and a true no strings attached encounter.

In short, hiring a professional is not done because there’s something wrong with the client. The average client merely wants a professional experience with no drama.

They are sleazy womanisers, and/or misogynists
Quite the opposite actually. The average client enjoys the female body almost to the point of worship. I have found my clients to be the biggest sweethearts in the world. Generally those who hate women do not pay them hundreds of dollars for their company.

They are sexually inept
No more than the average man. I’ve had clients that were amazing lovers, clients that were poor lovers, and clients that wanted to have lessons in becoming better lovers.

What I have found is that my clients are more into the idea of pleasing me first and them second. Moreso than the average man. If anything, I’d say that fact alone makes them a better lover whether or not their sexual skills are top notch.

They are socially inept
Also not true. I’ve had shy, awkward clients but again – no more than in everyday life. The majority of my clients are very talkative and outgoing. It’s not that they can’t get a woman, or are too awkward around them. Most just don’t want the drama of unpaid companionship.

1. I really hate the labels white and blue collar
2. I really hate the labels white and blue collar
3. pun intended