I’ve been on a guide writing kick recently, for some reason. It may be since I’m laying around recovering from surgery (I’m fine, it was elective and minor!) but I had an interest in writing this for awhile.
I asked the help of other providers, and as such I will be putting their banners at the bottom of this entry. Make sure to click the more link to see some of extremely sexy ladies who helped make this guide possible.
- Be respectful on the phone or in emails. A nice email that says more than “45, male, attractive, 6 foot, need appointment Sunday at 3” goes a very long way.
Introduce yourself, be polite as you would with anyone else you had never met. Remember she is a person and would probably appreciate knowing more about you than your age and height before agreeing to meet you, a stranger.
- Read the provider’s website. The night before your appointment give it another look over, so you know how and where she wants you to leave the donation and any other important ‘policies’ she may have. If she has an etiquette page, give it a read as well. It’s there to make things go smoothly for everyone involved.
I’m not saying you have to sit there and memorise everything she’s ever said, but it’s written to make your appointment go smoothly. The website is not only a marketing tool for the provider, but a tool for you to use to put yourself at ease.
- THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES! Call the provider from the car if you need any location details clarified. Do not call in the lobby of the hotel, her building, or anywhere that you can be overheard. Most women are trying to maintain discretion, so you’ll want to have any kind of buzzer code (or directions to her hotel room) before you even walk inside so it looks like you know exactly where you’re going.
Do not ever use her working name at the buzzer, do not ever use it at her door. Providers generally want it to look like an old friend is coming to visit and so they need you need to be discreet. Buzz up and say something simple. I asked my visitors to buzz up and say “Hey it’s me,” and I would then buzz them up without replying (they would hear a beep as I pressed the entry button).
I did not take questions at the buzzer, I did not speak. If buzzer time comes and you have a question, walk away from the building (again, get in your car if possible) and call the lady’s private cell phone to ask. Never talk to hotel staff, concierges or anyone around and never mention a woman’s working name outside of your car or her apartment/hotel room. This is a good way to raise suspicion and stress out a lady.
- Make sure you know her restrictions and respect them. EXAMPLE: If she offers CBJ, do not ask for or expect BBBJ. No matter what may have read in a review, it’s really just best to respect what you’ve seen on her site or ads no matter what rumours have surfaced. Please remember sometimes reviews are done with a “check box” format and it’s very easy to check the WRONG box between CBJ and BBBJ without even noticing.
You risk offending a lady by asking for a service she has never advertised providing. Provider’s are not oversensitive – however there are a lot of assholes who try to ask/push for services that she does offer. It can put a woman on the defensive, because it has to. When someone tries to push for services you don’t offer, you go into “protective” mode to avoid being forced. Do not risk ending up putting a lady on the defensive and being lumped in with those guys by making a simple mistake based on a review.
- Take a shower either before the appointment or at it if offered. Beforehand, please trim your fingers and toenails. Being scratching someone with ragged toenails/fingernails is a big turn off. A good tip I’ve heard is to prepare for it as you would any other date where you think you are getting sex.
Trimming or shaving (your preference) anything you expect a mouth to go on or around is a plus. It’s can serve as a sign for providers that you want certain areas kissed/licked. If you don’t at the very least trim, many providers will take it as a sign you aren’t interested in that particular act.
Make sure that you trim/shave THE DAY BEFORE the appointment in case you cut yourself!!. The last thing you want (safety wise) is an open cut in your genital area before sex with ANY new partner. Day after stubble is much better than a cut!
- Following up with the last ‘tip’: Ask for what you want, how you want it. I don’t mean for you to bark orders, but if you aren’t clear about what you want you may end up disappointed. Perhaps you have not trimmed or shaved the area between your testicles and anus1 but would like a touch there. Let her know! If you do not ask her for what you want and end up disappointed, do not write a negative review – that’s VERY unfair to her as she is not a mind reader. If you do not ask for what you want and end up disappointed it is NOT her fault.
Along the same line, PLEASE tell the provider if it’s “not going to happen” for you. Most will do whatever they can to make it happen and it goes a long way if a man says something and you two can discuss what else she can do for you in the time left. Perhaps a massage would be nice, or just laying in bed talking. But try to avoid frustrating you and her if the plumbing is not running well that day.
- Bring your own condoms JUST IN CASE. Make sure they are in an UNOPENED BOX. Be prepared and expect to use hers as there are men who tamper with them. The exception to this would be if you are an irregular size or have allergies. Then you should be prepared to use yours after inspection by the provider. This is not a slight against your character, unfortunately there are many men before you who have fucked it up for all the good ones.
- Mention your allergies (if you have them). Many ladies burn scented candles, burn incense, wear scented lotion, or have pets. Some women also smoke. It is in your best interest to ask these things if you’re affected by any of these types of things. Providers do not want you to be miserable, sniffling, sneezing, or worse during an appointment. Many are happy to do extra clean up or air out their apartments if it will help you be comfortable.
I have a field on my form asking if you are scent sensitive so I can plan accordingly. I often burn light incense, or candles/oils. If you are scent sensitive I will air out my incall for an entire day before our visit and use unscented toiletries the day of. We really do want you to be happy, you just have to let us know things like this!
- Clean up your residence or hotel room if having her over for an outcall. Even if you just stick things in a closet, it’s the thought that counts. This one works both ways. You expect a lady to have a clean incall that smells nice without stacks of dishes…we expect the same.
- Brush your teeth or floss within 30 minutes of your appointment. It may tear the lining of your mouth increasing exposure to STIs. Brush your teeth the morning of the appointment, avoid pungent foods, and use mouthwash or gum.
If you do eat pungent foods such as garlic or onions before the appointment please just politely apologise in advance because no amount of mouthwash or gum will cover it up completely. It’s better to say, “Hey I’m sorry I had some lasagna for lunch and didn’t even think of the garlic” than to surprise a woman with it later.
- Slather yourself in scent. My rule is this: If you want a tongue to touch it then cologne, aftershave, or deodorant should not be on it. Not only can this taste awful, ingesting certain tolietries could cause stomach aches or worse for the lady.
A touch of cologne behind the ears and on the wrists is fine, and deodorant on your underarms is great – but on your chest, testicles, or penis…nope! I will say this though: A little cologne in the ass crack itself is fine if you aren’t looking to receive DATO.
- Barter or say you are short of the donation and expect the appointment to still take place. If a woman’s rates are non-negotiable, respect that. If you decide to attempt to haggle despite knowing her donation is firm be prepared to be asked to leave.
Some women do have negotiable rates. This will be mentioned on her site or in an ad – negotiate how and when she wants to. Some women also run specials or have discounts. Do not try to ask for these things if they are expired or do not apply to you.For example, I run a military discount (10%). I had a client who draft dodged (no joke) who tried to get it. I was actually pretty upset. Don’t do things like that and expect a lady to be impressed after. I still completed the appointment and gave the best service I could, but I did deny his request for a repeat appointment. I couldn’t get past the fact he wanted a military discount after draft dodging.
- Use her toilet for anything except peeing, no matter what. Do it in the hotel lobby, do it in a nearby restaurant. I do not care where you do it as long as it’s not her bathroom.
While we’re at it – please do not pee in the shower. We know when you do this and we have to clean our shower every time you do. It’s fine at home, I’m sure most people do it – but not in someone’s shower that they have to clean after each use. I don’t want to clean up your pee 🙁
On a similar note, don’t shave your body in the shower either for the same reason!
- Bring food, drink, or flowers UNLESS you’ve cleared it with her first or her website says it’s okay. I know these are typically nice surprises, but they are not always nice for those who cannot have them. It may make her feel awkward if she needs to turn them down either due to allergies or a special diet (i.e. diabetes, celiac).
This includes alcohol – many women do not drink with clients (even if the bottle is sealed) so clear it with her first if her website does not make it clear.On the flip side, many women LOVE these things so do not write off the idea of bringing them just because you can’t surprise her – just ASK!
- Bring up other escorts or forums. This tends to turn into a gossip session, rather than casual conversation. Likewise, if she starts gossiping about other escorts/forums then try to steer the conversation in another direction.
Try not to talk negatively about other ladies if possible. If a lady did something extremely unsafe in your presence (offered you BBFS for example, or you saw drug paraphernalia) or was non-discreet (called a number you said not to) this is the exception.It is FINE to inform providers of such things but gossip = bad.
- Ask a girl how many clients she has seen that day or if you’re the first client of the day. Even if her answer is what you’re wanting to hear, this isn’t really appropriate conversation material. While most girls are happy to talk about their start in the industry, many are not. Let them bring it up if they want to.
Similarly, do not ask personal questions about her real life. She’ll volunteer information she wants to, but do not pry. There’s a fine line between curiosity/”getting to know you” and being invasive. You don’t have to tip toe or anything of the sort, just use common sense.This is another one that works both ways, if she starts to pry – simply steer the conversation elsewhere or tell her up front you are not comfortable with the questions.
- Ask for BBFS or BB Greek. Even if it’s to “test her reaction”, don’t do it. You may end up offending her, ruining a great session, and costing yourself a good reference in the future.Not to mention, you may scare her. If you’re asking her – who else are you asking (likewise, if a lady offers you – who else is she offering?). Saying it was a “test” is a horrible excuse. I cannot describe the feeling of ice water through your veins when you hear the words “without a condom” in reference to vaginal or anal sex in this industry.If you ask this in an initial email (or phone call) – even to “test” her – you will ruin any rapport you had and really any chance you had of ever meeting the lady in real life.
Anyone who mentions BBFS or BB Greek I may reply to…but only to say that I am saddened and horrified at the request, and that I cannot continue this conversation or meet them.
- Overstay your welcome. What you book is what you get. While most ladies will not be staring at the clock and are lenient, most will also not want to have to ask you to leave. It is awkward, and can make a lady feel very uncomfortable. You are in her space, please respect that. Do not take advantage of a lady’s generosity. You are buying time, do not try and get something for nothing. If you want more time, book a longer visit. I do not stare at the clock personally, nor do I deduct showers from your time (you get one before and after). I find it very rude to not meet me halfway by being courteous and respecting my time. I do have plans and a life outside of our visit and while my goal is to make you happy during our visit, it is not at the cost of my other plans.
- Use a BS excuse to cancel. If you changed your mind, just tell her. Treat her the way you want to be treated. Don’t under explain, don’t over explain.
Cancel early, if you decide against the visit. Do not wait until the absolute last second. Remember we often turn down other appointments at the same time for you – if you have to cancel and you do it early enough we may be able to make up the lost appointment.
If you need to legitimately cancel and reschedule, let her know up front you want to reschedule for X date. This will show you are serious and makes her more likely to book with you again.
If the appointment was an incall and the lady works out of a hotel, dropping her an extra $50 might be nice because she had probably already booked the room. Personally, when I worked out of hotels I booked through Hotwire when I confirmed an appointment. If someone canceled after that, I was out money. Usually between $45-$70 depending on what/where I had booked.
- Promise things you won’t or can’t deliver whether it’s another appointment, a review, or some kind of present/tip.Even though a review or another appointment sound minor, I get my hopes up for reviews I am promised. I love feedback and I love to know what I’m doing right/wrong. When you don’t deliver, it does disappoint me. I understand things come up and life gets busy so if you had the intent and then couldn’t follow through – fine. I do understand that. But if you have no intent in the first place, don’t promise.
Same goes with another appointment. I enjoy the vast majority of my time with visitors. If you promise another appointment “soon” – I will generally be looking forward to hearing from you again. If I don’t hear from you, sometimes I do grow concerned about you. Again, things come up and if you can’t it’s fine – but if you have no intent in the first place why bother?
You owe a provider nothing aside from the donation – there is no need to try and promise her the world.
Hopefully this has helped you whether you’ve done this a hundred times, or two.
Thank you to Ingrid Sexkitten of Vancouver and Katrina of New Westminster for additional help on this entry.
- yes, I mean your taint 😛 [↩]