This is mainly geared towards independent guys who have experience with escorts but want to try out the brothel world. This is part one of a two part series, where I will also be writing a guide for guys who have never hobbied at all who wish to try out the brothel experience and will update this with the link to that when it is posted.
First, forget everything you’ve ever seen on TV about a brothel because I’m going to give you the straight dope and they probably won’t line up. Follow this guide and always leave a happy man.
You’ve made the decision to try a brothel, but how do you know which one? Let’s start there. First, ask yourself a few things: 1) Do you already have a certain lady in mind? 2) Does who owns it and house reputation matter? 3) What area of Nevada are you looking to travel to?
Taking those factors into account, you can then look at the list of brothels in the state and choose accordingly. While I won’t go through your options (there are many websites that will help you with that already which Uncle Google will lead you to), I will, of course, plug the house I work out of, Sheri’s. For the purpose of simplicity in this article, let’s pretend you’re coming here.
1. Do your research. Much like independents, you will need to do some reading (although not as much, since if we work at a house we’re already verified as legitimate providers). First, read the house website and see if there are any rules you should know about and get the general 411 on the environment you’ve selected. Read the yelp and google reviews. There are some “hobby boards” but they’re worse than TER so they’re not even getting a mention, let alone a link. What I will link is a well written Newbie’s Guide for Sheri’s, but I think a lot of the tips/tricks apply at most houses.
After you know a little about the house, check out what providers will be there during your date range and read the profiles of any who strike your interest. Pay attention to her offered services. Narrow it down accordingly. If she has her own website or social media, check it out too. She’s not on twitter for her health, it’s for you. She has invested time laying out a clear picture of her offerings so you can decide whether or not she’s a solid investment of your time and money before you meet. Show her mutual respect by giving it some of your attention. It is then you reach out via email to book an appointment. Be polite in that email, just as you would an independent. Confirm she is available on the date you desire, and suggest a few times you can make. This gives her the wiggle room, should she already be booked. While brothel work is typically more low volume than escorting, it seems there are “popular times” to book.
2. DON’T 👏 ASK 👏 HER 👏 RATES 👏 IN 👏 AN 👏 EMAIL👏
We are not allowed to tell you, period. Whether it’s state law, federal law, or just rules of the house is completely irrelevant. A woman who tells you rates or ballparks rates is risking her job to do so. Why put someone in that position? Simply don’t ask. We aren’t allowed to tell you, we aren’t supposed to ball park.
“But how will I be prepared?” You ask. “I don’t know what it costs!”
Great question young padawan…
3. Come with as much as you can realistically and comfortably spend. Simply put, bring the max budget you’re okay spending with the idea in mind you may or may not spend it all. You are going somewhere you have no idea the price and it is way better to be more prepared than not enough. Nothing REQUIRES you to spend all of your money, so why not be prepared with more than enough rather than risk too little? You are spending the time to come a good distance outside of town, so why risk making it a wash because you didn’t have enough on you (even though you would have been happy to spend that amount)? You do not have to be a millionaire to have a great experience at a brothel, no matter what bullshit rumours you’ve heard. What you might not be remembering is that brothels are allowed to be more a la carte so if you don’t have enough for what you had in mind and are willing to compromise (i.e. dropping the blowjob you only kind of wanted, 45 minutes instead of an hour, one activity instead of five…I could list workable compromises all day) you can still find a great time with the lady of your choice.
We take cash and all major credit cards (billed discreetly) at Sheri’s but its best to check the website of the brothel you plan on attending first.
People often get spooked by the word “negotiation” but there’s no reason to. I had one indie regular tell me that if he had to negotiate, it would ruin the experience for him. I think people are picturing a fucking auction house, or haggling, or something crude along those lines. It’s so disappointing people hear a word and immediately their mind shuts when it’s really the exact opposite of their vision. My negotiations usually involve light banter and touching, sharing a drink, looking at my Pleasure Menu laden with sexy photos, and we don’t “negotiate” anything. We custom build a package for you that works in your budget and you only pay for the things you want to take advantage of. I can usually lay out several options for you, and we can always find something that works for both of us. To me, this is great! You get the most VFM when able to drop things you’re not interested in. And extending is more common and more of a reality than with an independent which means you don’t have to commit to a multi-hour hoping she didn’t hire someone to write her website.
4. ALWAYS 👏 HAVE 👏 YOUR 👏 ID 👏
I don’t care if you’re 29 or 99. We take anyone over 21, but we card you to verify it. We are a bar, and that’s that. Also, if you plan to use CC we are going to need to see it before we can run your card. We are extremely serious about making sure thieves and frauds do not walk through our doors and send your hard earned money so compliance and understanding is appreciated.
5. Take a shower first and be prepared to shower again during the party. If she offers, don’t say no (no matter how clean you are). If she doesn’t offer, ask. It only yields you better service which is a higher ROI.
On the VERY IMPORTANT SUBJECT OF SHOWERING (NOTICE HOW THIS IS ALL BOLD GUYS):
So while I’ve got you here, I realise every provider says “wash your balls” and “shower better” but few actually give you any real guidance. Also, you may think you’re clean when you show up to party but a lot of guys who think that either have stank balls or poobreath. About half that shower at the party are still in the same state as when they got in. To improve your session, no matter how clean you think or know you are, just give yourself a thorough scrub down and good once over of the oral section to ensure great service. Gross breath is solvable during a session in 2 ways: Mints, mouthwash. So we don’t need to spend a lot of time on that. What we do need to spend a lot of time on is:
Missy’s Step-by-step De-stankify Your Meat and Potatoes ™
Step 1: Get in a hot shower and get every inch of your body wet. This means spread your legs and get the inside of your ass crack wet. Lift up your balls and get your taint wet. EVERY 👏 INCH.
Step 2: Lather hands/loofah/washcloth with soap and wash your arms, neck, chest, legs, and back. Rinse well.
Step 3: Re-lather hands (or loofah/washcloth) and play with your penis as if you are masturbating and on the edge of an orgasm you’ve put off three times, but go slower and also make sure to get the folds of your thighs and pubic mound. Whether you are average weight, heavy, or obese, push down your pubic fat pad and really get the soap and water in there. Grip yourself firmly and slide your hand all the way from the bottom to the top until your penis is a soapy dragon. Take some of that gorgeous lather you’ve just made being an awesome dragon and wash your balls. Front and back. Definitely the part you can’t see. When you think you’ve done that LIFT UP YOUR BALLS AND MAKE IT REALLY SOAPY UNDERNEATH. RINSE VERY VERY WELL.
Step 4: REPEAT STEP 3
In the wise words of Redd Foxx, one of my biggest idols:
But never fear! I have a guide for everything, right? Without further ado:
Missy’s Step-by-step Guide on how to WASH YO ASS™
Step 1: Lather your hand with soap.
Step 2: Spread your ass cheeks apart.
Step 3: Insert soapy hand into ass crevice and vigorously rub. Get all the way down to your taint and all the way up to your back. Lots of soap.
Step 4: Rinse extremely well.
Step 5: Repeat Steps 2-4 three times.
Step 6: Wash your cock-and-balls as described above AND repeat steps 1-4 of this guide.
Step 7: Rinse everything VERY well as soap residue is just as bad as being dirty and dry your cock-and-balls with a different section of the towel than you use to dry your ass.
So while this sounds like a lot when it’s all written out, in reality it took you longer to read it and visualise it than it would to actually do it. So wash your fucking ass!
6. Be respectful of her time. What you negotiated in the party is it. You should not expect her to come sit in the bar with you, or lounge by the pool, or eat lunch unless you negotiated this into your party or this was pre-arranged in some other fashion. She may need a nap, or to work out, or a meal. You have no idea if she has school, other appointments, or a phone call to make. Unless she is being compensated for her time, don’t expect any of it other than what you get during the party. If you want time outside of the party, ask before you leave her room what it would cost to do the activity you’re looking for. As long as you do not act entitled and expect something for nothing, it’s likely a happy medium can be reached.
This also applies to email. A brief email to follow up a great visit is wonderful. A short story asking 50 questions and requiring a real time investment is not unless you compensate her for it in some fashion. An amazon wishlist gift or purchasing a gift card is appropriate in these situations, just like with an independent.
Follow these simple steps and have an awesome time! Got feedback? Come discuss it on twitter @ingodwetryst