Let me preface this up front by saying all feelings, opinions, and views are about me and my life only — I do not judge any other provider for what they do or do not offer or how they feel about services or specific types of clients. These views are my own, for me, about my job, about my life. Not you or yours. You do what is right for you, and you own it.
The title pretty much sums up the content of the post, but I am asked almost daily — and usually not in the most positive way — why or “how” I could “give up” being “my own boss” and “independent” for the “terrible environment” of a brothel. There is almost always judgement and a completely negative attitude. I’ve had people laugh at the decision and outright mock it.
First off, if that’s you then you can fuck right off. It’s incredibly ironic to support me for being a sex worker as long as I’m doing it in a way you prefer vs what makes me happy. Second, I’m more my own boss than ever. I also have twice as much time, which has allowed me to finish several personal projects that were only crawling along. I have time to relax and pursue my interests instead of just working around the clock.
But let’s get to what this is really about. Why. Why did I go from a successful nationwide independent escorting business to building my brand inside of these walls? Continue reading
Ever since the Expose a Bro scandal (google is your friend) several years ago I have had finishing this on my mind. “Alexa” worked with many real providers to propose a code of ethics for the industry. This never got finished, and this was never really published outside of an initial draft that was well received. The idea of a code of ethics isn’t really groundbreaking as most industries have them. So why not us? I am *happily* taking the feedback of other providers for future revisions of this piece, please respond on twitter with your suggestions, feedback, and ideas.
Courtesan Code of Ethics – Version I
Providing time is an occupation that is greatly misunderstood and generally looked down upon by society. This, despite a long historical record of courtesans being among the most cherished and valued people in past civilizations. One who undertakes becoming a courtesan as a primary profession or as an adjunct to another profession realises that s/he exposes the most personal of space to the client in exchange for financial or practical remuneration. This close interaction requires a very high level of trust be established between the courtesan and the client, and it is critical that the client understand that s/he knows that s/he is dealing with someone who adheres to a strong code of ethics.
The courtesan should strive to accomplish these major goals:
- Provide valuable, beneficial, safe, and enjoyable service to the client.
- Ensure personal boundaries and health of either party are not compromised, that you maintain your dignity and integrity, and that you don’t compromise your own personal ethos.
- Reflect positively upon the profession as a whole.
Voluntary subscription to a code of ethics has historically been one way to demonstrate the commitment to excellence in any profession. Being a courtesan is a profession in which one should always be striving towards excellence, so a code of ethics is the next logical step towards that goal.
This code of ethics is predicated upon the following assumption of rights:
- I reserve the right to screen clients to my personal satisfaction and standards and always personally determine who I will see and who I will not see, and under what conditions.
- I reserve the right to set my own boundaries, and to have my clients to respect them at all times. I reserve the right to end a session without refund if a client does not respect my boundaries.
- I reserve the right to refuse to see a client if the client refuses to accept my personal boundaries or engages in behaviour I deem unsafe, threatening, or illegal.
- I reserve the right to determine how I use my personal attributes to make a living, and to be respected for the decisions that I make.
- I reserve the right to serve only the clientele I am comfortable serving without judgement from clients or other providers.
- I reserve the right to be treated as a human being, with full agency and all other rights due me, including the right to petition for redress under all relevant civil and criminal laws of my country. I have every expectation that law enforcement agencies and the judicial system will treat me with the same dignity and respect they afford all other complainants.
Code of Ethics
- I will enter and practice this profession of my own free will, under duress from no other party, while understanding the true nature of the work I’ll be doing.
- I will exhibit a sincere commitment to providing a quality experience for the client. If the client is not having a good experience, I will work towards resolving that situation in any way I can to the satisfaction of the client without compromising my personal ethos, health, or safety in the process.
- I will respect my clients as human beings and not treat them as anything less than how I expect to be treated.
- I will respect my client’s physical, emotional, professional, ethical, and spiritual boundaries.
- I will maintain and improve professional knowledge and competence, striving for excellence through regular assessment of personal and professional strengths and weaknesses and through continued education and training.
- I will not use bait and switch tactics to lure clients under false assumptions or pretenses. I will not advertise as an unrealistic age for my visual appearance. If my photos do not accurately represent me, I will not use them.
- I will respect my client’s confidentiality, and not, under any circumstances, divulge the names or other identifying features of my clients.
- My email practices are secure and the content of our emails will always be professional in nature.
- I will not defraud or cheat a client in any way.
- I will advertise myself honestly and not misrepresent what I am prepared to do or the skills that I have.
- I will plainly state my expectations on my web site(s) and not engage in unfair attempts to upcharge or upsell clients. The price listed on the website is the price the client can expect to pay.
- I will not submit false information about clients to blacklists and similar reporting venues.
- I will recognise that there is a wide variance in acceptable behaviour and identity, strive to accept those variations in my clients, and accommodate those variances when they do not conflict with my own personal ethos or skill levels.
Safety and Health
- I will use appropriate safe practices at all time.
- I will not practice my trade if I am sick or ill without disclosing my illness(es) to my client before any personal contact.
- I will not entertain clients if I am physically or emotionally impaired to the point where I cannot ensure my safety, the safety of my client, and meet my client’s expectations.
- I will not entertain clients if I am unable to provide a top tier experience.
- I will not entertain clients who engage in illegal activities, nor will I engage in illegal activities with clients.
Respect for the Profession
- I will not advocate or condone anything non-consensual/involuntary or anything involving minors, and will report the existence of such behaviour to appropriate authorities immediately should I discover it.
- I will not take advantage of or manipulate clients or other providers in any way for personal gain.
- I will not sell my reference or provide any kind of references for clients I did not actually see.
- I do not judge other women for who they choose to see or not see.
- I do not judge other women for how they spend their money, or what gifts they receive.
- I do not judge how other women run their business.
- If asked, I will provide honest, legitimate advice and information to those who inquire about working in this profession.
- I strive to be a true lady, and will conduct myself as such at all times.
- I am honest, sincere, professional, and value discretion above all else.
I wanted to do something a little different with this one. While I do not release photos, my boudoirs are always known as a thing of wonder and testimonials to that have been given, so I’m not jerking my own dick here (I promise). I set out to offer the comforts and amenities of a luxury spa, but with a more personal touch. From aromatherapy, to a mobile charging station (complete with four charger types to match your brand of choice), a literal carousel of toiletries, cold pressed juice, infused water…and we’re only talking about the space, not the person behind it. Oh the luxuries that await you inside! You may be asking why bother? I’m actually going to start with why and end with how. So stay awhile, and listen…and then discuss on twitter when all is said and done!
While in the midst of working on a tongue in cheek-ish guide/thought piece on “how to write a review your provider won’t cringe when she reads” the opportunity for this popped up when I got a review that, well. It sure didn’t make me cringe. I will eventually link you the review in question, but we’re gonna chat for awhile first…so be patient, kick back, and enjoy the read.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever written and one of the hardest days of my professional life — possibly my real life too. The two aren’t so different anyway are they? One is merely an extension of the other. Missy and my actual self aren’t the same, but we aren’t so different either. I have found that people want a genuine experience with a genuine human being who is having a genuinely good time with them. Someone interactive and involved, someone responsive. To provide that you have to be honest, and inject large pieces of yourself into the job (did you think I was going to say genuine again?) and be real, no matter what. That’s an entirely different entry though, isn’t it? How about this one first?
Hello everyone! Welcome back. Comments are off, because I expect responses on twitter these days. Gone are the days of comments and guestbooks and compartmentalised venues of conversation. Now (for better or for worse) we have the more public arena of social media to discuss the things we’ve read. I’m sure I’ll write on the age of narcissism at some point (but not now)
For now, we will talk a little about my goals for the resuscitated and improved version of this blog:
- Entries on “industry related” topics, social observation/issues
- Guest entries on a multitude of topics. It could be industry related, a social observation/social justice issue, a walks of life piece (ask my privately for more details on writing one of these). Please tweet me if you wish to write an entry and I will DM you.
- Weekly updates in either something of the above, or something where I just muse about bullshit for awhile. We’ll see
Looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.
A lot of people have been asking why I started a reference ribbon project when reference are so commonplace in the United States. Well, first that’s not really true but it’s also not related! The reason for the reference ribbon campaign starting was twofold.
I was living in Vancouver at the time where screening is a lot less prominent (and for many, non-existent) due to the legality of the profession1. As you can imagine it makes the safety issue significantly higher. Unfortunately some clients are accustomed to have to provide little to no information, and despite the safety issues, are resistent to screening mostly citing privacy. Being from the US, I was accustomed to screening and still wanted to while in Canada. My screening options there was considered by some on message boards as “ridiculous”2.
One of the screening methods I offered that seemed to be a nice middle ground however, was references. In Vancouver it was more of a “community” with several forums where providers and hobbyists mingled [[While we have that here in the US, I’ve never seen any as tight knit and laid back]]. The problem with references actually, were a few of the women. They didn’t want to “share clients”, or they got outright jealous. I thought that was downright childish, and made that public knowledge. I wanted the other ladies in our community to know that they never had to afraid to ask me for a reference, even if some providers weren’t so friendly. I decided maybe some kind of “ribbon” would be the way to go and went to work. While working on it, the second reason came to light, and is a lot more somber. Two providers died mysteriously (less than six months apart) and both cases are unsolved3. This hit home for a lot of hobbyists and providers, as the first was known well by a few. It was then I uploaded my little one page site and banner, and launched the campaign.
I started to see the ribbon pop up on sites all over, women all over the US and Canada I had never heard of. I had wanted to expand it and create a listing sooner, but the time just wasn’t there. I have finally done that – and while it’s nothing fancy at least it’s growing! I am shocked, pleased, and touched that my little campaign has reached so far and I hope that it continues to grow and help women stay safe.
- more grey area, less cared about by police – victimless crime, bigger fish to fry, etc al [↩]
- though most were fine with it and I never had any in person complaints – I was actually quite successful there and still have demand that makes me want to go back and that’s another entry! [↩]
- I am not at all saying they were murdered by clients, but the possibility is there and a very sobering thought [↩]